Religious Freedom. Worth Keeping.

 

It’s that time again.  Find a list of locations here.  If you aren’t able to attend one, think now about what you could do tomorrow — prayer, fasting, offering something up, doing a work of mercy — to stand in solidarity with those who are showing up on your behalf.

Reminder: This is a not a partisan issue.  This is not about money.  If it were about money, the US government would do just as well requiring employers to set aside the necessary amount of health care savings, and leave it to employees to decide whether or not they need this or that type of insurance.

To gather the critical number of participants per plan, the US government is entirely capable of asking health insurers to organize their policies by groups of some kind other than “employees of this” and “employees of that”.  You could, say, simply pool all people in each state who want a particular level of insurance from a particular provider into a single insurance pool.  Not complicated.  The alternatives are myriad.  It is absolutely not necessary to require employers to purchase specific products directly.

Does your boss buy your Christmas tree?  Your hot dogs?  Your swimsuit?  It is entirely legitimate for the government to require employers to pay fair wages, including sufficient amounts to cover health care costs.  It is not legitimate to require individual employers to purchase products directly for their employees, with no regard for the employer’s religious beliefs.  Or the employee’s beliefs.  Please, no, give my money to charity, I don’t need that ____.

3.5 Time Outs: Family Life

Thanks once again to our host Larry D. at Acts of the Apostasy, who is nothing if not a family kinda guy.

Click and be amazed.

1.

This weekend I met a couple of the ladies from the Society of Joyful HopeI’d never heard of such a thing!  A real-life support group for families that use NFP!  A true support group, btw, not just your NFP instructor checking in to remind you what Acheiving-Related Behavior tends to achieve.  The group prays together, and then kids do activities and the parents talk about parenting.  Very cool.

1.A You can see their website here, and though the events page is a running behind on updates, they are an active organization.  I’m in that blissful state where I am not the least bothered by people who are running a tiny bit behind on website maintenance.  Ahem.

1.B The nice thing about openness-to-life is that eventually you don’t need to go visit the NFP instructor to be reminded what Achieving-Related Behavior acheives.  Your children are there to remind you.  All the time.

1.C  I was showing around Sarah’s new pregnancy book, and the Joyful Hope lady exclaimed when she saw Hallie Lord’s endorsement on the cover.  Solving the mystery of what it was that had caused Betty Beguiles to pick up and move south.  Wow.  I had no idea.

1.D More cool: Fr. Kirby at Charleston Vocations gave us a bunch of t-shirts to give away for prizes at our Family Life reception.

1.E Triple Cool: Eldest daughter has been reading assorted fiction and lives of saints from Pauline Media, causing her to ask all kinds of questions about the Daughters of St. Paul.  Mostly: What do they wear?  So it was neato to walk into the Doughnut Room and, surprise!, there was Sister Francis, whom I’d never met before, but it turns out is very good at chatting with girls interested in all things Nuns Who Publish Books.  Less cool: I had no money with me for book-buying.  Because of course the girls found something they liked.

2.

Coolness aside, here’s the real topic: How Good is Your Parish at Doing Family-Friendly Ministries?

I had a conversation with a young mom, not at my parish, who had moved up from Florida (St. Agnes’s in Naples, I think?), and she really missed the number of family events and activities at her former parish.  I got to thinking about it, and realized that one of the things sabotaging some of my own parish’s ministries is a lack of Stuff for the Whole Family to Do.

It’s not like families with young children are really going to turn out for ministries five nights a week, don’t mistake me.  There’s only so much a person with humans for children can do, time-and-energy-wise.  But in order for a family with young children to do anything. at. all., there has to be provision for the whole family.  The crying people.  The climbing-the-curtains people.  The elementary-aged people.  The teen people.  The female people.  The male people.  All of them.  And if we’re feeling broad-minded, how about the elderly-relative-living-with-you people?  Or the not-so-polished-in-the-social-skills-for-reasons-beyond-their-control people?

–> Because otherwise, church stuff breaks apart the family.  Oh it’s all lovely to get together with just the girls, or just the fathers-n-sons, or whatever it is.  We do that here and there.  Sunday afternoon our girls met for Little Flowers while our boys went mountain biking.  It was good.  But there are only seven nights in a week, and people keep insisting we eat dinner together at least a few of those.

[Without wishing to pull out the Evangelicals Are Smarter Than Us card, I will point out that on Wednesday nights around my town, most of the other churches are hosting an evening of this-n-that, in which you can bring your whole family, and all y’all get your faith-formation or ministering-to-people fix in one fell swoop.  It’s only one night a week.  But it’s one night a week.  Some of the churches do the same thing Sunday nights too.  Or Fridays.  Or whatever.]

So anyhow, that’s my question: If your parish is successful at getting families involved in the life of the church, what is it that works so well?

3.

Happiness is agreeing with your editor.

3.5

fairy wings and magic wands.  Works great.

***

Well, that’s all for this week.  Tuesday’s Link Day, which is when instead of e-mailing fun things I ought to post but forget to, you just tell the world all by yourself.  Entirely optional.

7 Takes – Edited

1. What I’m doing this weekend instead of everything else, ever? Looking through my freshly-edited-by-my-editor manuscript (catechist book), and seeing what’s there.

2. First thought: It is helpful if you spell the names correctly on your acknowledgements page.  People will like that.  If you are like me, I advise you to only ask for help from people whose names are very easy to spell.  Or else you will have to have an embarrassing conversation with your publisher.

3. Thank goodness we are having this conversation now, and not after the thing is actually published.

4. Dorian Speed, not difficult to spell, is doing her annual tour of duty saving me from making very, very dumb mistakes.   What will it be next October?  I try not to think about it.

5. Before I descended into the pit of despair my annual DSpeed Humility Training Session, here was what I was thinking as I read through the manuscript, which I hadn’t looked at since the end of August:  Wow!  This is a really good book!  As in: I should read this more often!

6. Because, yeah, it’s basically a big long note-to-self.  All the things I forget to do, but am always glad if I do manage to remember them half the time.

7. I had something else completely unrelated to post about.  But I can’t remember what is.

Have a great weekend, and I’ll see you when I’m out from the tunnel.

Liturgy and Catechesis: The Blessing for a Child in the Womb

In which I use this coming weekend’s minor festivities to illustrate how formal catechetical programs are just one piece of a much bigger faith-formation spider wedding cake pie.  Or something. Okay, actually the whole post is just a chance to show off how cool my diocese can be.  Because yeah. Sometimes we are.

Oh and hey, speaking of cool palmetto-state Catholic things, go subscribe to Fr. L’s newsletter.  It’s really quite good.  And free.

3.5 Takes: Halloween Wedding

Thanks once again to our host, Larry D., who is no doubt terrified by this post.

When my friend real-life friend Sandra told me she was planning a Halloween-themed wedding, let me assure you: I was skeptical.  But it turned out absolutely lovely!  Which you would expect, if you know Sandra and her beloved Larry L..  Here’s the tour, in 3.5 parts.

1.  The Dress.

The event was held at the Robert Mills House (civil ceremony), so you’ll recall Sandra was thinking of a regency-era theme.  She raided the silk remnants at the upholstery shop, and put together this:

Awesome period touch: detachable sleeves.

2. Ceremonial Innovation Done Right.

Recall also that I am a curmudgeon’s curmudgeon, and if you tell me that as part of your ceremony you’re going to do some groovy sand-art activity with your children, I’m going to be very, very skeptical.  But Larry L. came up with an idea for including the boys in the ceremony, and it went over beautifully.  I was impressed.  Not many people can pull that off.  Well done.

 

3. Reception = Costume Time.

I think the key to making a Halloween wedding work is to not have a Halloween wedding.  Normal wedding, costume-optional reception.  Tons of fun.

The decorators-in-law used a deft touch in decorating the reception hall.  There were spider webs and all that stuff, but it didn’t pop out like I’m Back In Elementary School For Orange Cupcakes And Candy Corns.  The wedding cake was probably the most Halloween-y moment.  Which is about right.  Wedding cakes are supposed allowed to be fun.  Is a giant hairy spider really that much goofier than a chintzy plastic bride-n-groom?

I wish I had a picture of the buffet table, but I’ll just tell you that the secret to a tasteful theme-wedding is to put out a fantabulous spread of good food.  Then all the stuffy friends and relatives who might otherwise complain about the decor are too busy noticing the hummus and the curry and the peanut sauce, and the rest is just background.  But if you want to put on a Sponge Bob costume, you can.

Or, if you’re a young groomsman, add sunglasses, earbuds, and a suitable weapon, presto-chango, Secret Agent Boy:

(Shown here posing the following day, before we rushed the tux back to the rental place.)

3.5  SuperHusband went medieval for the reception, which is the most comfortable thing you wish you could be wearing anyway.  Girls and I stuck to our ordinary wedding attire, but added

 

***

Well, that should give you something to talk about for this week.  No, I haven’t finished started my sidebar renovation, so I’m still taking link suggestions.

Hey and while we’re on the topic of good things worth doing right: This week my editor at Liguori is doing her edits on my Classroom Management for Catechists manuscript.  So you could say a little prayer that she gets it all cleaned up so that it’s as helpful to readers as possible.  Thanks!

 

 

 

 

 

Catholic Mother’s Companion to Pregnancy – Book Tour & Giveaways

Welcome to Sarah R.’s stop at my place on her book tour!

Click to Enter the Nook Giveaway

We’ll start with some info from the publisher and from Sarah:

To celebrate the launch of her new book, A Catholic Mother’s Companion to Pregnancy: Walking with Mary from Conception to Baptism, Sarah Reinhard invites all of us to spend her blog book tour praying the rosary together. Today, she shares this reflection on the Nativity:

The cave in Bethlehem probably isn’t what Mary had in mind for her Son’s birth. Straw as bedding and oxen as companions, with shepherds and townsfolk dropping in to wish her well?

Maybe it wasn’t so shocking to her, after being told she would be the Mother of God, that it didn’t go at all how anyone would picture it. Even so, I’m sure it wasn’t that comfortable even by standards of the day. She gave birth with animals all around, in the chill of winter, in a town far away from home.

So often, things don’t go the way I plan. I struggle with my knee-jerk reaction to the wrenches in life, to the natural temper tantrum I want to give in and throw. It’s hard to see God at work in the up-close of a situation turned differently than I think it should be.

But he is at work. Jesus being born in the most humble of circumstances made him accessible to all of us. It also makes Mary someone we can all turn to for comfort: if anyone knows what it’s like to go with the flow, it’s Mary.

As we pray this decade of the rosary, let’s hold all those brave women who have said yes to difficult and challenging motherhood in our intentions in a special way. Don’t forget, too, that we are praying for an increase in all respect life intentions as part of our rosary together this month. (If you’re not familiar with how to pray the rosary, you can find great resources at Rosary Army.)

Our Father . . . 

10 – Hail Mary . . .

Glory Be . . . 

O My Jesus . . . 

You can find a complete listing of the tour stops over at Snoring Scholar. Be sure to enter to win a Nook (and any number of other goodies) each day of the tour over at Ave Maria Press.

***

And a few quick comments from me:

  • This is an excellent book.   (Yes, I wrote five paragraphs of it.  But all the paragraphs are good, not just mine.)
  • When you’re pregnant, you naturally turn towards spiritual things.  This is the book that meets that need for Catholic moms.
  • It’s absolutely devoid of the drivel-n-feel-good nonsense of other pregnancy books.  Tackles the hard topics with maturity and clear thinking.
  • From here on out, it’s my go-to book any time I know a mom who could use it.

And for those of you local to the Diocese of Charleston, SC, we’re up to four copies for the giveaway from the Office of Family Life this coming Sunday, October 14th, at the Blessing of the Unborn Mass in Columbia, SC. See you there!

(For internet friends, check out the other stops on the book tour, there will be giveaways all over the place.)

 

Radical Freedom: When the Kid You Love Breaks Your Heart

Why do our kids do what they shouldn’t?  What’s our part it in?  God’s part?  My latest at CatholicMom.com.  I’m exceedingly encouraged by the response so far.  (Not surprising, since none of what I write about was my idea.  It’s just what God does.  I sure wouldn’t have come up with that method.  Try not to chuckle as you thank God He’s God and not us.)

7 Takes: From My Feed Reader to Yours

7 Takes at ConversionDiary.com

 

This week, after you pray for Allie & congratulate our hostess, I send you elsewhere.  I scrolled through all my recent +1’s in Google, and picked a few:

1.  People come here when they search on “Kolbe Academy”, and presumably when they do that, they also find Kolbe’s blog, Servant of Truth.  But in case you had a google-failure, here’s an answer to a question that gets asked a lot:  How to Change Pace in a Structured Curriculum.

2.  Brad Warthen is aggravated, here, about a homeschooling bumper sticker that he sees as a flagrant rejection of a whole community.  (He’s a Mr. Community kind of guy.  A Rotarian, no less.)  I concede in the combox that he is correct, it is indeed impossible to know what part of “the village” the hostile-homeschooler wants no part of.  But I’m going to guess it’s something like this.

3. FTR, I homeschool for the library books.  The village never even entered into it.  I just want to read.  A lot.  There aren’t many jobs let you do that.  (Also I like teaching my kids, like being with them, like playing outside, like traveling during the school year, and it’s the only Catholic school I’ll ever talk my husband into paying for . . . but it’s mostly for the books.)

4. NFP Apps.  I like a pen and a free-in-the-mail calendar myself.  (Helps if you don’t particularly need a graph or white baby stickers.  About once a year I break out the graph paper to make sure I’m seeing what I think I’m seeing.  But most of the time, 4/10 of degree shows up real nice just looking at the numbers.)  But all you smart-device people can do NFP the Smart Way.

5. Can’t have too many religious education curricula.  Read about Healing the Culture’s new high school curriculum, and, completely separately, Loyola Press’s new adaptive sacramental prep program for students with special needs.

Also a Bleg: Anyone have an RCIA text you really love?  I’m dumb enough to try to make up an answer to that question, but someone who knows the field would be better suited to give the real scoop.

6. At Public Discourse: the obituary of an honest historian.  Beautiful story.  Especially if you’re the kind of person who reads a history book, and then rants towards your children about all the dumb ideas the book promotes without presenting any evidence whatsoever.

My kids say I complain a lot.  I reply that easily 10-if-not-15% of the time, it’s because there’s something worth complaining about.  The rest of the time, yeah, I’m just grumpy.  Probably the nicest grumpy person you know.

7. The reason bloggers blog is because we have something to say.  Abby Johnson doesn’t play around: If you want to be pro-life, get your act together and show up for work.

Have a great weekend!

(PS: The tiny tiger has persuaded SuperHusband not to haul her to the pet shelter just yet.  Cuteness is a powerful survival strategy.)

The Geography of Busyness

1.

In the early 1930’s in Fort Lee, New Jersey, my grandmother took singing lessons.  It didn’t last long; one day the instructor took my great-grandmother aside and said, “Mrs. Hook, you are wasting your money.” My grandmother was sent down the street to tap-dancing lessons instead, and everyone was happier for it.

Also, they didn’t feel too busy.

Sunday I ran into a fellow homeschooling mom.  “Why do I always feel so busy?” she asked.  “We’re not doing too many activities.”  She has only one student at home anymore, now a high school senior, and they moderate the extra-curriculars.  It shouldn’t be a crazy time of life.

I shook my head.  “I don’t know.”

But I think I do know.  I think it’s all the driving.

2.

Here’s what our week looks like right now:

  1. Daily mass.
  2. School at home.
  3. 1 piano lesson on Tuesdays.
  4. 1 violin lesson on Thursdays.
  5. Boys go mountain biking or hunting or some such on various afternoons / evenings.

(No, I’m not teaching RE this year, so that buys us a lot of time.)

For all these things, we have to drive.  What if instead of being Catholic I were Methodist, Baptist, Pentecostal or Lutheran?  I could walk to church.  Two blocks. Let’s imagine my daughter then took her piano lesson with that flavor music director, instead of our Catholic one.  She could walk to and from piano.  Let’s triple-imagine: What if instead of violin at a publicly-funded school downtown, my other daughter had her classes at the school on our corner — one block away?

Now let’s get super crazy.  What if instead of trying to figure out how to meet up with homeschooling friends from across the city for Little Flowers, all we had to do was pick which house (or church) in our hypothetically-shared neighborhood we’d host it at?  What if the nice new family with four girls that I want to meet up with for a playdate lived . . . not twenty minutes away, by car, but twenty minutes on foot, right in my subdivision?  What if my friend who’s miscarrying lived down the street instead of down the highway?  How about my mother-in-law? And what if our good friends who live a mile away down a busy road were connected by a decent sidewalk?

3.

There are two things going on.  One is the way we live: Picky.  We drive farther to get to the grocery store we prefer; we’d rather see distant friends who better match our personality, than socialize with near neighbors.  And I tried being Lutheran, for nearly 90 minutes in 1998; it didn’t take.  Nearly all our neighbors have the religion problem, too, it’s not just Catholics who are choosy about their churches.

The other is structural.  No sidewalks — that’s a physical structure that’s missing.  But also the way our car-centered life changes our expectations: We consider it normal to drive ten or twenty miles for everyday activities, farther for weekly or special events — and then wonder why it feels like we’re living in the car.

The cost is physical — having to make special time to exercise, having to cram in meals between outings.  The cost is also social.  Up front we win, picking and choosing the best of friends and hobbies from around town.  In the long run we lose; we’re socially isolated from our next door neighbors,with all the decay and loss that brings.

I don’t like it.  I also don’t have a sense of how to change it, or even of really wanting to make the sacrifices that would be required to change it.  But there it is.  Why I’m too busy and my great-grandmother was not.

3.5

It’s Tuesday, so I bet you’re looking for 3.5 Takes.  Here’s Larry D., our host, entertaining you with the awesomely awesome Savage Chickens.  And 2.5 More:

Have a great week!

 

Higher Ed – My Answers

Just mailed off my answers to Friday’s questions.  Here they are.  Now going to take a peek at everyone else’s.

1.      What is your opinion of the value of college in today’s society?

College covers a wide variety of types of education. With that in mind, I see several common types of value, but they will vary from student to student:

-Professional training.  In fields such as health care, engineering, accounting, and so forth, as well as smaller but still important fields such as the theoretical sciences, social sciences, and the like, there’s a lot to be learned.  College provides a place to learn it.

-Learning how to think.  Whether through a rigorous liberal arts program, or through the study of the sciences, or honestly any subject studied in depth, something college can do, but doesn’t always, is give the student training in how to study, how to research a question, how to think about a topic in a mature and thoughtful way, and ideally, how to act on the findings.

-Signaling to employers.  This to me is the most common reason students today attend college, and an unfortunately necessary one, but one which I think is wasteful.  Completing a college degree tells employers, “I can do the work”.  Getting a high school diploma was once this signal.  Getting an 8th grade diploma was once this signal.  Now we find people getting masters degrees, and employers requiring them, just to signal who stands out from the crowd as college becomes watered-down as well.  I don’t think this is a good trend.

-As I mentioned on the phone, I think sadly, one purpose of our state and community colleges is to provide a high school education.  In SC the quality of high schools varies tremendously.  As a result, many students who finish high school with decent grades have not yet received a high school education.  They come to college and are given courses in algebra, basic writing skills, and supplemental tutoring for their other courses, to make up for what they did not learn, and should have, in high school.  This reality is shameful for our public schools, but of course I am glad that there is some means that students who persevere through their lousy high school can in the end get the education they deserve.

 

2.      Do you believe in the theory that everyone should have a college education?

No.  I think college is being used for the average student as a substitute for a good 8th grade education.  Read through a copy of the McGuffy Reader Book 6.  It’s a school reading book series published in 1879, once widely used throughout the US in pre-high-school education.  The selections are what students now read in college. I do think that this kind of education — a well-rounded liberal arts education — combined with professional training either in secondary schools, or trade schools, or college, or on-the-job, I do think this is necessary for nearly everyone.  But it’s a pathetic state of affairs when what used to pass for 8th grade is now being taught at University.

I think that teens who resist being forced to sit still, and to “learn” virtually nothing for years, when they are at the peak of their energy level, and ready to prove themselves and learn on the job, I think these teens are feeling a normal, healthy impulse.  It’s normal to want to *do* something, not just sit around.  It’s silly to water down school and then wonder why kids drop out.  It’s a travesty that there are no good options for young people who want to go right into the working world, whether before or after high school, and come back to higher education later in life.  I think for many young people, some real-life work experience first would add value to their education when they are ready to resume their studies in a more serious way.

I think also the emphasis on official certifications (“getting the piece of paper”) versus real learning is embarrassing.  How can it be more valuable to be forced to learn something for a test, than to go out and learn it on your own, out a pure desire to gather the knowledge?  Silly.

3.      According to Louis Menand, author of “Live and Learn”, there are three theories of why people attend college. The first theory is that college is an intelligent test meaning people go to college to prove they are smart. The second theory people go to college is for the social benefits since college should theoretically be getting people ready to enter society. The third theory is that college is job training. How does this align with you own theory of the purpose of college? Do you believe in these some values?

Per my answer in #1, I somewhat agree with this.  I’d like to talk, though, about the “getting people ready to enter society”.  College does try to do this to you.  As a simple fact, the professors and staff do try to impart their values on their students, and are often successful. (And wish you well in the process — they are trying to do you a service). And this is a concern to me, because we can see that some widely-held values in our society are in fact quite harmful.  But let me clarify: The problem here isn’t that students learn the values of their professors; it’s that our culture is warped to a point that the values being taught are simply wrong.  In those schools where students are taught to live well and think clearly, college can be an immense help.

I’ll also observe that in preparing to enter the adult world, long hours spent goofing off with other teenagers is . . . maybe not the most effective method?  That what we end up with is not young people who learn to act like grown-ups, but rather grown-ups who go on to spend their whole life acting like children.  They think they’re being grown-up, because they’re still doing what they learned to do in college.

(This is nothing new, by the way.  From the very invention of the university, students were notorious for plaguing the townspeople with their binge drinking and other misbehavior. Maybe it’s time to reconsider how we do student housing?)

 

4.      Growing up was your value of a college education influenced in any way? If so was it family? Teachers? Or some other form?

In our family, the expectation was that we’d go to college.  Normal as drinking water or decorating a Christmas tree.  Just what you do.  Not a question, just a way of life.

 

5.      In recent years the availability of a college education has changed and become more accessible to more people. For example there are online Universities, certain states offer scholarships to many high school graduates, and there is government funding to minorities. Do you agree or disagree with this?

I think it is good to make college more accessible, to not have it be the province of the wealthy, as it once was.  I don’t always care for the particulars of every way this happens — for example, I don’t like scholarship programs that pressure students into attending college before they are ready for it..  I am strongly in favor of education that is universally available at modest cost, throughout the lifetime of the citizen.

6.      What will you teach your own kids about the value of a college education? What influences this?

I’m encouraging my kids to discern their vocation: What does God want me to do with my life?  College is something that will either fit in with that, or not.  I think of my kids as being “college material”, because yes, they’re smart, inquisitive, talented . . . everything points towards “should go to college”.  But ultimately I don’t want them to just follow a set path.  I want them to follow *their* path, whatever that is.   I thinks it’s dangerous to approach life by doing what you’re “supposed to do” because that’s what “everyone does” or “it’s the thing to do”.  Rather contrary to the point of a university, don’t you think?  To accept something as true without testing it?  Without probing and asking, “Is this really right?”.  There’s no sense sending a kid to learn critical thinking, if you only came up with that decision due to a failure in critical thinking. :-).