Marriage, Stability, and Ordination

Dear Catholic Friends,

We need to talk about this whole married priests things.  Because no doubt some of you read Simcha’s post, and you thought, “Well, sure, those are difficulties.  But protestant pastors and their wives deal with these little parish politics all the time.  Surely we can do it, too.”  And the answer is of course we can.   We could even have sermons about tithing.

But here’s what you need to know: Protestant ministry does not have the job stability of the catholic priesthood.

See most of us only know about protestant ministers from the front facade.  Church, steeple, open the doors and there’s the minister, his wife, and their denominationally-appropriate number of little people.  We think, ha!  This works just like the catholic church, only with wedding rings!  He goes to seminary, he gets assigned a church, his family helps out with vacuuming the pews and folding bulletins, what a life!

And we assume all this works just like the catholic church in another respect: Once a priest, always a priest.  Just do a half-decent job, and the diocese will find a little spot for you somewhere.

No.  It is not like this, anymore than getting  PhD means you’ll soon be a tenured professor.  If we could magically put clerical collars on every former pastor in America, you would drop your coffee.  Yes, your coffee, because that really friendly older guy working the morning shift at Starbucks?  The one that doesn’t say “ya know?” every other word?  He’s probably a former pastor.  (Or a PhD.)

One neat thing about being a a bachelor is that you don’t have a family to support. Men really understand this, which is why historically being a bachelor has had such appeal.  If there isn’t much work in your chosen profession, it isn’t the end of the world.  A friend with an empty couch, a few bucks for groceries . . . you can live on very little if you must.  It works out well for the catholic clergy:  In the unlikely event that there is a sudden glut of catholic (celibate) priests, well, it’s not exactly an employment crisis.  Always room in the rectory for one more bunk.

But if you’re a married minister, it’s another story.  Your church can only afford so much in the way of salaries, and there might not be a congregation hiring full-time, professional-wage staff just now.  But your kids still need to eat.  You can’t just take that assisant-vicar’s co-helper rotation with the minuscule stipend, and philosophically chalk it up to a time for extra prayer and fasting.   You’ve got to make a living.  A real living.  So you go back to doing whatever it was you did before you were ordained — construction, retail, maybe a professional position if you’re lucky and you have the skills.

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Now friends perhaps you think I exaggerate.  Perhaps you think I am using my broad powers of imagination to promote an arch-conservative agenda.  So allow me to give you a list of the “where are they now” of my personal, real-life friends who are former or current married protestant ministers.  All of these men have been through seminary.  They are intelligent, capable, competent, and could hold their own in the ranks of the catholic clergy.  (Which is saying something — I am surrounded by good priests.)  These are not internet friends, these are real guys I speak to in person on a regular basis.  So I’m leaving them as anonymous as I can:

Exhibit A: Was a senior pastor with significant experience, then his church let him go.  Returned to graduate school, earned a PhD, worked in a church position while in school. Couldn’t get a full-time job after.  His wife works full-time now, he homeschools the kids and cobbles together a combination of a freelance preaching gigs, ministry events, and other odd jobs.  (Need a tree cut down?)  Just picked up an adjunct teaching job he hopes will go full time.

Exhibit B: Pastor in a major denomination, congregation laid him off after decades in the ministry.  Applied for positions at other congregations within the denomination, no job offers.  He and his wife both found part-time work that gradually led to full-time work. She works in a nursing home, he works at a grocery store.

Exhibit C: Currently employed, full-time pastor with a major denomination.  And his wife works full time anyway, because there is no way . . . . Repeat: No Way they could pay their bills otherwise.  I know this because these people live in my neighborhood.  And you don’t live in my neighborhood because you are trying to impress anybody. Children attend public schools (no private school tuition), wear hand-me-downs, they drive old cars.  Normal modest middle class life, if you don’t count the part about every spare moment being utterly devoted to the needs of the church.

There are more, but I’ll stop there since you are begging for mercy.  But any more of this starry-eyed dreaming, and you’ll be sent to do rounds with the minister’s wife for penance.

Sincerely,

Jennifer.