Catholic Writers’ Retreat – Oct. 5-9, DeWitt, Michigan

Ann Lewis of CWG fame requests we spread the word about the Guild’s upcoming writers’ retreat, which is not for guild members only!:

Our next big event is Your Word is My Delight: Catholic Writers Retreat – October 5-9, 2011 at the St. Francis Retreat Center in DeWitt, Michigan. I did send out a separate e-mailing on this event, so many of you have this information, but I want to reiterate that it looks to be a fantastic experience that is different from our writers conferences. With this retreat, we’ll work on our souls, contemplate God’s calling to us as writers and grow as writers through one-on-one critique sessions. And, because this is a writers retreat, you will be given a lot of time to just write! Please consider coming, and pass on this information to those you think might be interested. Post it on your blogs, twitter and facebook. If we don’t get more registrations for this event quickly, it may have to be canceled and we’d hate for that to happen.

Looks like a good event. Check it out.

And spread the word. You don’t have to be a member of the guild, or even really be entirely certain about the existence of “Michigan” — though I have it from seemingly reliable witnesses that the place is real.

The CWG provides writing support to writers of all abilities and interests. Although the most expensive events do have an admission fee to cover costs, the guild runs top-notch educational events online at no charge, that are open to anyone at all. Great catholic and catholic-friendly books are being written and published today in part because of the help of the CWG along the way. If you like to read, the CWG is your friend. And it’s very easy to post a link to Ann’s announcement on your blog or page, so that your Michigan-area reader(s) can find out about a retreat that might be just what they need.

And then they will be like me, forever grateful to the person who posted a blurb about a CWG event on her blog, and introduced me to a whole wonderful world I never would have discovered.

“But I am not that attractive . . .”

I was in a private conversation with a young woman a few years ago, and the topic was modesty. No, she told me, she didn’t think outfit she had shown me was a problem. Her reasoning?

I’m not that attractive.

She meant it.

Let me tell you, she was and is BEAUTIFUL. I don’t just mean “all young women have a special inner beauty of their own if they just let it shine blah blah blah.” I mean like, Wow! Gorgeous!

–> One thing Jon and I discovered when we quit watching TV many years ago, is that our sense of beauty readjusted. Our brains no longer held up some kind of fake, air-brushed perfect standard as the model to which all humans must be compared. It is a kind of freedom.

Girls today are not growing up in my little cave of normalcy. They are surrounded by images everywhere of Perfect People. Those people are pretend. They are fake. They are like the hamburger in the picture on the menu at the fast food restaurant.

But here’s the thing about modesty: Men are perfectly happy with regular hamburgers. They don’t need it all fluffed and shellacked and with lettuce and onions hanging out just right to show off what’s inside. Maybe you have to photograph a hamburger just right to sell it to a girl. But all you have to do is say, “Hey, hamburgers!” and the guys will line up.

Really.

Girls, even if you aren’t super gorgeous, guys are THAT interested in you, just because you are a girl. You! Yes, you! You don’t need to “sell” yourself. You don’t need to put your every asset on display. Be a kind, friendly person who cares about others. That’s what real men are looking for in a wife.

PS: Betty Beguiles comes well-recommended, if you are looking for fashion ideas that show off the best you, without showing off more of you than needs to be public. Thank you to the Dorian/Bearing blogging powerhouse for their regular reminders that I really need to subscribe.

[And if you make a point of not showing off your body, you’ll eliminate from the field all the jerky dogs who are only interested in that, and who will drop you in ten years if you don’t stay perfect enough. You don’t need that. Do you have ten years to waste, and no desire to find a guy who loves you for YOU? No. Use the power of clothing to cull the field of the losers.]

Fr. Z Poll Bleg

As requested. Go vote. The topic is “Does an all-male sanctuary foster vocations to the priesthood?”

The results (given that this is Fr. Z’s blog) are unsurprising. But vote anyway.

[I voted yes. FYI I have a daughter who loves serving at the altar, and as long as my pastor is good with it, I’m good with it. My parish has about half and half boys & girls serving. Last time the secretary counted, she said it was more boys than girls. But my intuition is that a mixed server-corps encourages vocations to the sacrament of matrimony. I could be wrong. H/T to Sr. Meris the New Nun, who used to be an altar server.]

Saturday Linkfest

I’ve got another episode from the Homeschool Photo Contest to post, but am waiting for just the right time. Ha. Meanwhile, here’s how you should goof on instead:

1. Read this article from the Apparent Project on Why You Should Not Mail Peanut Butter to Haiti. No, really, take it out of the bubble-wrapped package and eat it yourself. Haiti thanks you. Because it turns out that shipping bunches of free stuff to impoverished countries undermines local businesses. That make peanut butter. Or would, if only Haitians weren’t getting boxes of the stuff from other countries. Go read.

2. A longtime friend, engineer, amateur gunsmith, and EMT, sent us this YouTube video on Gun Safety. PG WARNING: If your head is screwed on straight, there’s at least one scene that is objectionable even for comedy noir. It also means you aren’t the target audience. [Hint: If you have given up watching action-adventure shows because all the egregious gun safety violations– by law enforcement good guy characters no less!!– have caused you to throw your tv out the window, you aren’t actually the target audience for this clip.] But it is funny. With proper parental guidance as required.

3. Look, Sarah Reinhard one of my favorite writing friends, has a new book out:

She let me look at one of the later drafts, and it is a really nice little book. If you are looking for a family-friendly Advent Book, I’d give it a recommend. From what I recall, it is protestant-friendly. But just e-mail her and ask if you have any questions or concerns, she is one of those extroverted writers who likes to talk to readers. Or leave a comment in her blog combox. She’s totally chatty. Super Nice Person. Happy to talk about her books any day.

4. And is just me, or does it look like the new John McNichol book is now out on Amazon?

Serious coolness.

Not for people who don’t read genre fiction. But highly recommended if you are looking for fun, readable Catholic GKC Sci-Fi Alternate History goodness in a package your boy will enjoy. Do you know of a different book that will cause an 11-year-old boy to beg to read Huck Finn? Maybe you do. Or maybe you think that no day is complete without the threat of an alien attack. In which case, McNichol is your man.

Be Modest at Church in Four Easy Steps

This topic has been in my head for a while, and I was waiting for fall so no one would be embarrassed. But this article here got my attention, courtesy of I think maybe Fr. Z or the Pulp.it or maybe both — primarily thanks to my being wound up late at night and goofing off.

What I see at Mass — and of course out in the wider world — is that a lot of really good Catholics don’t have a clue about modesty. These are super wonderful people. Kind, pious, regular mass-goers who are living out the Christian life day after day. And honestly? They are trying to be modest.

–> My experience is that the people who struggle most in the two-few-clothes department are the more pure among us. It doesn’t occur to them just how weak their fellows can be. It’s like putting out giant trays of brownies because it just never occurs to you that some people will be tempted to eat too many. (But some of us? Yes we will be.)

***

But our culture’s at the point where vendors of athletic clothing think nothing of mailing out catalogs with ladies in their bras on the cover. And not a sports bra. I mean, underwear-underwear, done pin-up style.

[Hint to businesses: If my son has to carry in a picture of a seductively-posed almost-naked lady from the mailbox, I am never buying your products again. Did I say that clearly enough?]

And that was the event today that made me decide it was time to share the Four Easy Steps. Because when you live in a world where everybody everywhere is forgetting to put their clothes on, it’s really hard to know what’s modest and what’s not. And all the great essays about “Put on your clothes! But it’s really about internal holiness and don’t be judgmental!” don’t really help, if no one will tell you which clothes you are missing.

So here you go, Four Easy Steps for Dressing Modestly at Mass:

Cover your shoulders.
Cover your knees.
Don’t show any cleavage.
Tailored is good, tight is bad.

And that’s it. Follow those rules, and you will have to really goof it up to not be wearing enough clothes.

Now for some clarifications. Consider this the advanced course:

1. Actually I don’t think bare shoulders are always and everywhere a near occasion to sin. Witness what I wore to my dad’s wedding, and what my own daughters wore last May for the crowning of the Blessed Mother. This can be done modestly, or modestly-enough. Lots of not-immodest sleeveless outfits at my church. But it is so, so easy to go wrong. And it’s just not worth agonizing over. Put on a little sweater and you know you’re good. Buy something with sleeves, you’re good. Why argue about strap thickness when it so, so easy to just be sure?

UPDATED to point you to a quote in the combox. A reader asked about sleeve length. I gave it my guess, and then asked the guys for an opinion. Christian LeBlanc came to the rescue with his usual no-nonsense analysis:

Short or long sleeves, either is ok.

No sleeves starts to distract. Thin straps/ bare shoulders/ bare backs distract more.

It has to do with the amount of skin, I think, even though the skin exposed is basically mundane.

–> So there you go. Not just me makin’ things up to repress the masses. Guys notice this stuff. Be kind to them. They are trying to pray.

(And anway, you know you are freezing at church. They set the A/C so that poor man saying Mass in all those vestments on a 105 degree day doesn’t fall over.)

2. Ditto for knees. I did a quick look-around the last couple weeks, and sure enough, there are tons of ladies at my parish wearing just-above-the-knee skirts that were perfectly modest. The trouble is this: It’s really hard for the modern-media-saturated brain to distinguish between the skirt that is long enough, and the one that is not. Who runs around with a ruler in hand, figuring out the perfect modesty formula? Knees, on the other hand . . . almost everyone has knees. They are easy to identify, so you can tell right away whether they are visible or not.

–> Once again, this is a rule I don’t always follow. (See “Dad’s wedding” above. Plus of course in regular outside-of-Mass life, I wear shorts. It’s summer. Shorts. Summer. Shorts. They go together.) But you know, I’d be willing to sacrifice an outfit or two, in my fictional world where parishes made dress codes, if it meant my son doesn’t have to look at swimsuit models at church. Cover the knees at Mass and it’s hard to go wrong.

3. Cleavage. Cover. The. Cleavage. Do you know what that part of your body is for? It is for feeding your baby. Do you know that when you walk into Mass with those girls on display, it makes nursing babies and toddlers hungry? And it attracts other attention as well. Do you honestly want people salivating at the sight of you? As in, actual drool? Are you ready to feed the masses to whom you are advertising? No. Save it for your own baby.

This is a rule for 100% of the time, everywhere you go. Fabric is your friend. Cover the cleavage.

[Perfectly fine to be actually feeding a person during Mass. If that person if your offspring, not yet to the age of reason. Good, holy, necessary thing to do. With the cleavage covered.]

4. Tailored yes, tight, no. This is another pretty firm rule. Okay, so my daughters were telling me today that my t-shirt was tight, and I promise it was not, but, you know there’s a few decades there where the ol’ body stockpiles emergency calories just in case, and so yeah, there is a certain subgroup for whom staying ahead of the fitted-versus-tight curve is kind of a challenge. I suppose we need to fast more. But even with that allowance made, yes there should be some measurable amount of air between your body and your outer garments.

These aren’t rules for all time. These are rules that work for 2011 in most parishes in the United States. They err on the conservative side, not because I think you need to be extra-conservative, but just to make things really silly easy.

If you are currently wearing not that many clothes to Mass, give them a try. You can say some lady on the internet dared you do it.

You’ll be more comfortable indoors when the A/C is set too high, but you won’t be too hot standing outside on the patio after Mass, chatting with your friends. You’ll attract the attention of the kinds of men and boys you actually want to meet. The ones who care about you, and see you as a real live person, not just as a pin-up model or an underwear catalog. Mothers of teenage sons will thank you.

Try it. What can it hurt?

Homeschool Photos Episode 1: Organization

Now for the personal tour, divided up by theme. We are five days down, 175 to go, so homeschooling is pretty much all I think about right now. I am not a naturally organized person, but through a series of miracles, I think I finally have something that works. This is what it looks like.

1. This is my office. Those shelves contain my books, including course plans not in use and all the solutions manuals. Also contains school books that I don’t want kids getting into, either because of replacement cost or a very-PG rating.

Squint at the desk on the right, and you’ll see this:

Desk top file storage and my weekly calendar, plus a little bulletin board — My brain.

It took me, oh, you know maybe TWENTY YEARS to figure out I needed a desk-top file box. There’s a file in there for any kinds of papers I need to either access quickly or file frequently: phone number lists, activity calendars, kids’ current-year school portfolios, and an assortment of other odds and ends for me personally. (SuperHusband gets the other desk.)

The bulletin board behind the desk is for near-term papers I need in my face. Last week it held a copy of the girls’ party invitation. Right now it has the announcement for the local catechist training seminar coming up. I like it empty.

Sitting on the desk is my personal calendar, week-at-glance. I take it with me whereever I go, or else I am very very sorry I did not. (Did I lose your phone number that you wrote on the church bulletin? See? I should have brought the pink book.) Also, I always regret it if I don’t look at the calender every morning. But a lot of mornings I don’t. And then I regret it.

The freezer door with calendars and organizers on it. — The public end of my brain.

3. This is the freezer door, and behind it lie the wonders of science. But on the surface is the more pressing homeschooling need, the calendars everyone else looks at. I put the week’s activities on the dry-erase board, and then use empty squares to write in items for the grocery list as needs are made known.

[I used to keep this on the wall behind my desk. And I never used it, because it was awkward to write on. Then I saw one just like it at my friend Judy’s house, only she used hers. Because it was on her freezer.]

The tiny strip of bulletin board holds up a monthly calendar, which I update every now and again when we need to figure out whether we are free for this or that. It also holds important papers such as the list of meals for the week (torn off from the paper grocery list I took to the store), and the list of lost homebrewing supplies we would dearly like to find again. Behind the monthly calendar, on their own tacks, are the church youth group activity calendar and the altar-server schedule, since both of those I need to actually look at pretty often.

Also on the freezer is a little metal organizer that holds dry-erase markers, the dog’s thyroid medicine, and bills that need to be paid. [All the other pet meds are on top of the freezer, and I finally got smart today and put them in a big ziplock bag so they wouldn’t fall off the freezer and dissappear forever. They could still fall off, but they’ll do it in giant blob that won’t slip into the dusty communal grave of Things That Got Kicked Under the Fridge.]

shelf that contains all the kids current-year school books in one place — The Land of Books We Need Right Now.

4. This year I made a little zone in the living room for all the kids’ current-year school books. So they are all in one place. In previous years I let certain children keep their books on their desks in their rooms. Bad idea. Recipe for lost books.

On the top shelf you see a milk crate for each big kid. All their books plus a binder with the quarter’s course plans, daily grading sheet, and a dry-erasable daily checklist they can choose to use or not, go in that box. Nearby (you’ll see it in a future episode maybe) is the chair where I sit to issue and grade homework. A kid stands by that chair and delivers to me the book & work I request, and puts back what I’m done with. So far, 5 days into the year, that process is working great, except that I need to make a box for the solutions manuals so I can haul them into the living room with me. It turns out I don’t actually know that much Latin.

Top shelf of the wooden bookcase contains library books, a box with blank penmanship worksheets (kids just choose whatever they want for that day from what is in the box — they all write about the same, I know), and the five-year-old’s “workbox”. That means her basket of activity books to do school-y stuff with when she is bored waiting on me to work with her.

Middle shelf has two little girls’ real school books, plus frequently-referenced extra books, like the dictionary. And whatever else the kids randomly put away there.

Bottom shelf has the 2nd grader’s workbox and more related-but-not-required books. All kids are studying Ancient Rome / Ancient Civilizations, so those types of books from our family library are there right now, and American History (so last year) are off on a different set of shelves elsewhere.

To left of the shelves are the Math Drawers. Bottom drawer contains math activities (thank you Laura B.!), top drawer contains upper-grades math manipulatives for fractions and algebra. Or something. The big box on the top has containers with little Units and Tens blocks, and then a stack of Hundreds blocks. Except that everyone seems to be doing math in my bedroom, which means many of the blocks have now found a home on top of the old ice chest by my bedroom door.

Way up on top of the milk crates are the good school books that the kids don’t need yet, but belong in the pile of current-year books, and I don’t want anybody touching them. But I want to remember where they are, because soon, very soon, some child will need them.

School Photos, Prologue

So we’re officially entered in Dorian & Bearing’s homeschool photo contest, and it looks like the deadline is being extended, yay! So if you have had photo drama as we did, do not despair. Share your pics.

I submitted seven in the official flicker location — the ones that looked most homeschooly. I thought, does anyone really want to see the purple hippos? Even though they are an integral part of my homeschool? You’ll be relieved to know that most of the photos we took never made it to the internet! Yay! But if you want the complete flicker Fitz homeschool collection, it’s here.

–> Note that there are some duplicates, because we had three photographers working on this project, and they all got to post their favorite photos, no matter what. And since two of us shared a camera, there was some arguing over who snapped which shot. Not all the captions are my work either – check the tag to verify.

School.

1 day completed, 179 to go. So far so good.

And we finally got our photos onto the PC, made a flicker account, and soon, very soon, will enter Dorian & Bearing’s contest. There’s sort of a lot of photos, because two girls wanted to enter. And I had to let them, since I needed to borrow a camera from one of them. And then there’s a lot of photos, because, well, you wanted a photo of the cat, right? And three stuffed hippos?

Ah, look, I see the 100% sign down on my tool bar. Getting back to work now. I’ll make a post of my version of the homeschool tour. Ev put descriptions on her photos (some of which are mine, ahem, thief), and LEL’s are un-captions because of this:

Me: “What do you want me to write next to that photo”.

LEL: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Well, why did you take that photo?”

LEL: “So I could be in the contest and win a prize.”

Pagans & Tax Collectors

In Matthew 18:15-17, Jesus gives instructions on how to handle sin in the Church. There’s a method, and it’s pretty simple: You give the guy multiple chances to understand that he has gone astray, starting with the most discreet options, but eventually bringing in the teaching authority of the Church herself if necessary.

And what if he refuses to listen even to the Church? Jesus says this:

“Treat him as you would a Pagan, or a tax collector”.

And that’s the process.

The first steps are pretty straightforward, though maybe not real popular. Since it involves you personally, refraining from gossip and instead pulling on the grown-up suit and figuring out how you are going to convince someone else what is right and wrong. With the actual goal of persuading the person to repent and reform, instead of the much more self-gratifying goal of venting your anger and maybe getting in a few good digs while you’re at it.

[Remember: If the guy doesn’t listen to you, then you’re supposed to go get other members of the church to come help persuade. And you know those other members are going to ask about how the first conversation went. So you better not have said something really mean and stupid. Yeah, I know. No one really likes this passage. I’m so much better at “mean and stupid” than “charitable and helpful”.]

But let’s skip ahead to the unrepentant sinner – which includes a subset, the unrepentant dissenter. This is the part hand-rubbing pundits love, because you get to pull out the big guns. You maintained composure through all those edifying discussions, and now, now!, finally!, you get to give the guy what he deserves and Treat Him Like A Pagan. Or a tax collector. Your choice.

When I see editorial on this passage, what I often see is the Freaked Out Jesus Method* of biblical interpretation. We, the readers, see words like “sinner” “Pagan” and “tax collector”, and we insert BAD, BAD, and BAD. And if Bad then Mad, right? So we picture Jesus: Impatient with sinners, ready to toss transgressor outta the church, and here’s how to get rid of ‘em, make sure you do the job thoroughly. Don’t be Mr. Nice Guy, apostles and disciples, or Jesus will be Mad at YOU too.

Except that Jesus doesn’t actually treat Pagans and tax collectors this way. What does Jesus do for Pagans and tax collectors? He invites them to dinner. He heals their sick. He praises what faith they have. He invites them take of the Living Water.

In summary: Jesus evangelizes.

That’s the method. If one of your brothers sins against you, and he won’t listen to the Church, try to win him back.

***

There is a sting, though, in this instruction. And here is where I think the courage of the Church fails most.

See, everybody wants to stay “catholic”.

It’s pretty funny, really. None of my Pagan or tax-collector friends are upset about not being Catholic. They don’t sit around stewing and accusing the Church of cruelty on account of how Pagans aren’t Catholic and Catholics aren’t Pagans. Everyone fully grasps the notion that there are things you have to be willing to believe and do if you want to be Catholic, and well, if you wanted to do and think such things, you wouldn’t be Pagan.

But unrepentant and dissenting Christians often are resentful of the notion that they have left the bounds of the fold of the Church.

Regular Pagans recognize the authority of the Church over its members, and choose not to be part of that Church. Dissenters want to be counted as part of the Church, but without recognizing that the Church has an authoritative teaching office that Christians need obey.

—-> For all the noise about ‘closed communion’, I’ve never once had a non-catholic friend be upset about it, after I explained why we did things how we do. No sane person wants to be publicly labeled as “believes in the Real Presence” and “accepts the teachings of the Church”, if they don’t actually believe such things. Catholic doctrine is, you know, a little crazy, huh? Would you want to have walked around New York in 1750 with a big stamp on your head that said “Thinks Humans Can Fly”??. Until you knew for sure that hot-air balloons worked, you wouldn’t want the crazy-label. Once you knew, you’d be proud of it. But until then, no.

In contrast, dissenting Catholics cling to their ‘rights’ with bitter furor. Try to tell a formerly-Catholic hospital** or college that they need to quit claiming Catholicism now that they’ve quit teaching and practicing Catholicism . . . and the drama . . . oh my goodness the drama.

The scandal isn’t that this or that person or institution is non-Catholic.

My local county hospital isn’t Catholic, my State U alma mater isn’t Catholic, and most of friends are not Catholic. Pagans and tax collectors all of them. For the longest time, I was even married to one of these people. (He seems to have come out of it. Yay!) No drama necessary.

Jesus isn’t freaking out. He wants every one back into the Church, and He’ll do any good thing to make that happen. Have you to dinner, heal your servant, die on the cross for you – there is no limit to His mercy.

But the Gospels do tell us this: Don’t be crazy.

Sane people know what they do and don’t believe.

If someone has ceased to believe and practice the Catholic faith, put your head on straight and acknowledge the fact. Non-Catholics and former-Catholics are no scandal. Open wide your arms and give whatever you legitimately can to help and befriend.

Bad Catholics? No surprise there, we announce our sinfulness at every Mass. Forgive us seventy-times-seven times, and remind us in no uncertain terms what the Church really teaches. Accept our repentance, over and over and over again.

But fake Catholics? That is scandal and madness.

Turn on your brain, and respectfully acknowledge the former Catholic has stepped outside the fold. You can’t welcome someone back into the house, if you are busy pretending they’ve never gone out.

* See two posts below for an explanation of the FOJM. WordPress refuses to let me make links today.

**Ack, I hate link failure. Here’s a great piece on the current round of Catholic hospital scandals: http://defend-us-in-battle.blogspot.com/2011/08/why-providence-hospital-situation-isnt.html

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