At this morning’s press conference, Governor Haley had to start getting stern with Charlestonians, who are being a mite sluggish about evacuating. In light of the category 4 hurricane predicted to hit the coast Saturday morning, staffers are preparing a set of stronger warnings for the governor’s next press briefing.
5. “It’s not just gas stations and pharmacies that are closing. Waffle House is closing. And Bojangles. This is serious, y’all.”
4. “Tennessee is filling up, and then you’re gonna have to drive to Kentucky to find a room. Is that what you want? I didn’t think so.”
3. “Don’t make me come down there and show you pictures of Hugo.”
2. “Greenville County school buses are now leaving the Charleston Coliseum, and they will be honking outside your house, whether you got your lunch packed or not.”
1. “Okay, that’s it. Every road east of I-95 is now officially a westbound one-way street.”
Officials denied rumors that the delay in announcing the fate of Saturday’s Carolina-Georgia game is a ploy to improve evacuation rates, but conceded, “if only it were the Clemson-Carolina game, we’d just paint tiger paws on I-26 and be done with it.”
Photo: South Carolina Governor Nikki R. Haley (Flickr) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons