I would like you to know that there are many, many reasons you should be grateful I gave up complaining. Of course I cannot tell you what they are. Just enjoy the peace and quiet for a change.
Don’t panic, the reasons are all very petty. If I had something big to complain about, I’d cleverly disguise it as a “prayer request” or something.
Compulsively surfing the internet does not count as “praying”. Even if you do read highly edifying Catholic blogs. Even if you do toss out Hail Mary’s here and there for good causes. Please get your act together. Right now.
The Person Who is Dragging You To Confession Tomorrow, Do Not Even Try One of Your Excuses to Get Out of It.
Am I the only person whose spouse is obsessed with filling the freezer with venison this year?
If your sensibilities are easily offended, skip #5.
PSA: How to Have Almost Free Meat
1. Do not take up hunting. Hunting saves no money. Ever. It is a giant financial black hole.
2. Instead, cultivate a general interest in hunting. An ability to make hunting talk.
3. The people who just like to shoot things will eventually come out of the woodwork. Oh, yes, you’d be surprised.
4. Get yourself a good sharp knife, a pile of freezer paper, and this book:
5. Also, sturdy rubber gloves. You don’t want mad deer disease.
6. Tell your crazy hunting friends to shoot all the big furry animals they like. And then to drop the carcass off at your place. Immediately. None of this ridiculous “aging” business. Gross.
7. Quit being so squeamish. Tofu is over-rated.
8. Sanitize, sanitize, sanitize.
9. Long slow moist heat solves all cooking problems.
Don’t forget to pray for Allie Hathaway.
We label all our venison with the date it was wrapped, name of the hunter, a note about what animal it is, and the cut of meat. So you might see a package that says something like, “Eddie – Buck – 10/2011 – Shank”.
Which is all very well until we have to explain why there are packages in our freezer saying, “John Doe Shoulder 12/2011.”