Continuing with the NFP theme . . .
If you travel in the right circles, soon enough you run up against “providentialists”. You might see a reference to “Quiverfull” or “Full Quiver”, or “Letting God Plan Your Family”, or any number of things. The basic idea is this: Married couples should take no measure to avoid pregnancy in any way.
There are variations, and I won’t go into the crazier minorities. Also, we aren’t talking here about couples who take no steps to space or delay pregnancy because they have no reason to do so. That is normal and healthy. If you are a married couple, the default mode is “hope for another baby”.
What I want to address today is the idea that maybe NFP is wrong. That maybe, observing your signs of fertility, and actively choosing to avoid intercourse during the fertile time, is somehow not what God wants. That by doing so you are not trusting God. You are perhaps taking into your own hands something that should remain a mystery. And that what God wants is for couples to go ahead and engage in marital relations with no regard for whether or not a pregnancy will result, even when all indicators are that a pregnancy at this time would be a very, very bad thing.
This is not Catholic. And it doesn’t work. Here’s why:
God gives us free will, and He means us to use it. Let us set out an ideal of complete, childlike trust in God. Now ask: Does that mean that you want your children to be automatons? No. I want my children to trust in me, to obey me, to do what I have taught them even when it doesn’t make sense. But my goodness if the house is on fire, all those years of “don’t get out of bed after bedtime” give way to the other training of “kick through the screen and climb out the window, I’ll meet you at the neighbor’s house”. God gives us the faculty to think, to plan, to control our actions. We are not dogs in heat. We trust in Him, but we still check the classifieds when we need a job.
We aren’t meant to dwell in ignorance of the wonders of the universe. And that includes human biology. I don’t show my “trust” in God by refusing to learn more about the world He created. It would be bizarre and unnatural for me to insist on complete ignorance of the very obvious signs of human fertility.
Our emotions and desires provide valuable information. And they cannot be forced. Although we should not be ruled by our feelings, when they are properly ordered they are essential to making prudent decisions. What sane man could look at the faces of his hungry children and not be filled the notion that his first and foremost mission is to find a way to feed them? That other things must wait. What loving husband could look at his sick wife, and not want to first do what he could to protect her health, and choose to set aside his own natural urges for her sake? In the face of serious reasons to postpone pregnancy, the normal, healthy response is to have a diminished desire for intercourse.
So “providentialism” simply does not work. At it’s logical extreme, it asks us to abandon our role as creatures made in the image of God. To set aside our free will, to insist on willful ignorance of the basic and obvious workings of creation, and to cultivate an animal-like desire for intercourse instead of responding to the normal, healthy instinct to put the good of others before our own pleasure. In face of serious reasons to avoid pregnancy, abstinence — whether 100% or intermittently as required — is a natural, noble, and moral means of sacrificing for the good of the family.
That said, the practice proposed by “providentialism” is in fact the default mode for married couples. It is normal for married couples to engage in intercourse at will, and joyfully welcome whatever children come their way. It is only when serious situations arise that one would actually want or need to choose another course of action. But in those situations, NFP is a sane response.