7 Takes: Shakespeare Makes Me Sick, Rant-o-Rama, and Other Beautiful Things

1. So. Shakespeare.

I started the week all productive. New quarter. Got the checklists printed out, vowed, “This time I will stay on track!” all that. Also, I had to pick Mr. Boy’s next literature choice. I went through the Kolbe Jr. High Lit Course Plans, and Merchant of Venice kept popping out at me. I was leary after the Great Poetry Fiasco of 2013, but I heeded the little voice.

And I got a brilliant idea: Since two big kids are always hanging around wanting to talk to use from 9-10, formerly known as “Kids Are In BED AND PARENTS HAVE ADULT TIME”, yes I am shouting by the end of that sentence, I figured out a way to either get the children to go to bed, or live out the homeschool fantasy of everyone sitting around reading Shakespeare together in the evening. Win either way, right?

So Tuesday night I hand out copies (mismatched, but we rolled with it) of the play, we divied up the parts for Act 1, Scene 1, and it went pretty well. Some of us were having so much fun, we went ahead and started scene 2.

At which point, Splash.

Yes. My child vomited over Shakespeare.

Said child reported after, “My stomach felt weird, but I wasn’t sure . . .”. So hard to tell the difference between a stomach virus and Literature Dread.

[Everyone’s better now, thanks for asking.]

When we restart, I’m issuing a bucket with each manuscript.

2. I updated my e-mail software. I hate it. That is my excuse for why I can’t find your e-mail anymore. I will grow and change and find your message and reply to it. Soon. But not before late afternoon today.

2.5. Visit our hostess for useful information about this:

photo 3 7 Quick Takes about haunted houses, affordable weekend wines, and #TWEETSONAPLANE — I borrowed this photo without asking. Because I never, ever, want to lose the link to this post. If Jen F. makes me take it down, I will. But you know why she’s a superstar blogger? Because: Affordable Wine. Doesn’t get much more Catholic than that.

3. Let’s talk about your vocabulary, hmmn?

Good Catholic friends, please tell me you know that you’re not supposed to take the Lord’s name in vain? So I will charitably assume that if you gasp “Oh my God!” when talking about someone else’s clothing choice, or the water bill this month, or what happened in Congress, that you are in fact moved to prayer. I think you should cut it out, because everyone *thinks* you’re just taking the Lord’s name in vain, and maybe you even are. But I’m not going to presume.

What with being Catholics, we tend to cling tightly to our right to use “strong language”. All those things St. Paul has to say about our word choice are trumped by our Lord’s choice insults, yes? So we say. I’ll not take up that fight today.

But if you’re going to resort to coarse, over-used cliches of insults for lack of a broader vocabulary — perhaps your imagination is foiled in the face of tribulation — would you please kindly restrict yourself to accurate metaphors?

For example, some people accuse the Church of thinking sex is dirty or shameful or I don’t know what. It’s nonsense of course — quite the opposite: If we are very particular about chastity, it’s because sex is so powerfully good, holy even, and should not be profaned in any way. We only have seven sacraments, and one of them has to do with sex. Yep.

So, please oh please oh please, speak as if you’ve been catechized. Do not sling around crude terms for the marital act as your insult of choice — let alone as your darkest and strongest insult. Do you really think that intercourse is some foul, nasty, evil thing? When you search for some vivid way to describe a sordid injustice, is the first thing that comes to mind your experience with the marital act?

I certainly hope not. Clean it up.

4. Come see me talk. St. Peter’s Catholic Church, Columbia, SC, Saturday Nov. 9th, daytime. I’m just doing a panel in the afternoon, on the “Classroom Management” topic. In the morning I’ll be listening. I kinda wish I could listen in the afternoon, too, the other panelists look pretty interesting – I can’t find an internet link, but the overall topic is stuff like bullying, working with special needs students — useful. Contact the Diocese of Charleston Catechesis Folks to get more info or to RSVP. There’s a nominal cost that covers lunch -n- stuff. Gorgeous site, too, do visit the church and cemetery if you come.

5. Speaking of sex . . . I’m hosting a blog tour and giveaway for Simcha’s new book on NFP. Where should I do it? Here? Amazing Catechists? Patheos? I need to pick a spot.

6. Speaking not of sex . . . My friend Karina Fabian has a new book out. I haven’t read it, but I keep meaning to blurb it. If you like clean adult sci-fi, Catholic-themed usually, fun and a quick read, take a look. I’ve never not enjoyed reading one of her books, though I don’t do the zombie thing — I had to crop her cover for my presentation on finding a publisher this past summer at CWG, because, gross. Firmly planted in my Hardy Boys Not Thomas Hardy preferred category.

7. Aren’t these beautiful? I can’t decide whether they’re in budget or not. I do need a holy water font for the house. I’m nervous about the glass. But wow. Pretty.

Things I’d Rather Not Think About

1. My CatholicMom.com article for March is up. It’s on homeschooling when you struggle with self-discipline. It’s one of those topics where I wish I could be showing off my tremendous compassion for those poor people who just can’t seem to get it together.

I drew the line at posting a snapshot of my kitchen for the photo. Instead, you get a picture of men hitting each other with sticks. Same concept, seemlier illustration.

2. Have I mentioned how much it irritates me to have to follow the entirety of the Catholic faith, and not just bits and pieces? I assume others hate it just as much as I do, because so far no one has commented on my post this month at New Evangelizers. In which I take up the topic of whether Cardinal Mahoney ought to attend the conclave, and how that question fits in to a wider question of mercy and evangelization*. And good administration. You knew that was going to be fit in somehow.

3. I set the kitchen timer to tell me when to pull SuperHusband’s dress shirt out of the dryer. (Yes. Dryer. I know.) It worked. I just went and pulled it out and hung it up right away. I can be very diligent about laundry, IF I’m supposed to be doing the taxes.

4. Taxes, episode 2. That’s today. Backside of the 1040, and yeah, it’s the Schedule A I don’t feel like dealing with. Tired of being responsible. I get tired of that very quickly. But I’ll do it, of course. There’s nothing like, “We will seize your house if you don’t mail in this worksheet” to really motivate a lady. UPDATE: DONE. WOOHOO!

5. About that NE post. Whenever I think “conclave”, the plot for a murder mystery pops into my head. It’s a good thing other people volunteered to answer questions at Dorian Speed’s ElectingthePope.net.

6. Please pray for the repose of the soul of Mr. W, our elderly farming neighbor who passed away peacefully in his sleep. Funeral was packed, SuperHusband tells me, not a surprise. Then pray for this family, who would be very grateful for any number of miracles.

7. You can discourage the Friday meat demon by quick throwing all your meaty leftovers into the freezer Thursday night. (Or give to dog if close to spoiling, but not quite inedible yet.) Pull them out and return to fridge Saturday, when the coast is clear.

And something I’m happy think about:

Señora M., my catechist friend from down the road, reports a big milestone: She led her first English-language religious ed class the other night. We first met in the Our Lady of Guadalupe room at the big Advent event in December, and since then she’s been helping out as a classroom assistant at her parish. She phoned me this morning, and I made it through the greetings in Spanish, and then I had to plead, “No entiendo.” She gave me the big news in English. But she isn’t giving up on me that easy, she’s determined to get my Spanish into working order. I’m honored.

*Some people equate “mercy” with “giving them a pass.” Those who have been privy to my ire know that the moment you start bungling on sexual abuse prevention and prosecution, is the moment I become a lady you do not like. Do not confuse mercy with tolerance. It’s not about overlooking the trivial flubs. It’s not about saying, “Really it wasn’t so bad.” Mercy only has meaning there where we want to give it least.

Seven Takes: Life, Death, Warped Things Governments Do

No, I’m not back to regular blogging. But I had approximately seven things to say, and it’s a Friday, so that makes this Seven Quick Takes, right?

1. Why yes, that was us you saw at the National ~~Vocations Meet-Up~~ March for Life.

Low point: Children in tears due to experience of being a southern-person whose mother does not know how to dress them for cold weather.

High point: Making a brief retreat into the National Gallery to go potty, rest, and warm-up, then re-emerging to a gentle made-for-TV snow flurry, taking up our signs, and falling into line with these guys. Who sing beautifully.

Weird Point: The Metronome, as my 3rd-grader calls it, is determined not to take my money. I kept trying to pay full fare, but the machines refused me at every turn. Fortunately the kind metro-ladies are apparently used to clueless tourists with five children in tow, and sorted me out with a combination of generosity and exasperation that I think must be the hallmark of the metro system.

2. Petersburg National Battlefield is a good place to run the kids and get your history fix all at once. The ranger does come around checking to see if you’ve paid.

–> Touring tip: Always ask if you’re supposed to pay. Because they expect you to pay, even if they never ever tell you that. And the ranger lady has a gun. Luckily I had asked.

Discussion Question: Any Particular Reason the Union had to engage in war? Why not just let the Confederacy secede, and work on patching things up diplomatically? Put another way: Did the US Civil War meet just war criteria for the Union?

My boy says yes. I’m playing neutral professor-person.

In other US history topics: The essay “Smuggler Nation” in this month’s Harpers is really quite good. One more shovel of fodder for that pirates-vs.-privateers topic that’s always coming up around this household.

Our other airline-miles magazine subscription, Western Horseman ran a great piece a month or so ago on the troubles ranchers along the US-Mexican border are having with Mexican smugglers, and the lack of cooperation from some of the US border patrol in keeping their lands safe. I can’t seem to find an article link. But let me just say right now, that if you purchase approximately one plane ticket every five years, and want a family-friendly periodical to purchase with your miles before they expire, WH is the one.

3. My son objects to the strong language in Dorothy Sayer’s Lord Peter Views the Body. It pleases me greatly to discover I’ve reared a middle-schooler who complains about words like “damn” and “hell” improperly used.

4. My January New Evangelizers column was 10 Ways to Support Evangelization Even When Your Parish is Falling Apart.

Apparently it grabbed someone’s attention, because the Catholic Vitamins people invited me to do an interview for their podcast. Which is exciting, in an I-hope-my-phone-battery-doesn’t-die-while-we’re-talking kind of way. I think I can bribe my kids into being quiet with the promise of Krispy Kreme donuts. Also, presumably this is just one step on the long road towards true fame? By which I mean, of course, being on Rhett & Link’s Good Mythical Morning? My son doesn’t think I’ll ever be quite that good, but he puts on an encouraging face all the same.

5. Helen Alvare nails it on the head in her analysis of the new HSS regulations.

Let me observe once again that there would be no moral objection at all if the government merely required employers to pay workers a sum sufficient to pay for the desired contraceptive services — for example, by putting the necessary funds into a healthcare savings account that employees could then use to purchase supplemental insurance if they so chose.

And how exactly is it “freedom of religion” if insurance companies and self-insurance administrators must sell (or give away, per the new iteration of regulations) products they may themselves object to? Is there no legal right to sell insurance for some but not all health care services? Will insurers eventually be required to pay for euthanasia as well? Apparently there is a religious test required in order to enter the insurance industry.

6. Speakin’ of that constitution thing . . . my boy observes that 2/3rds of gun deaths are suicides. (Wikipedia’s citing 60%.) Which puts a certain corner of the culture in the odd position of wanting to outlaw something they’re trying to legalize. Apparently depressed and disabled people should die, but only at the hands of licensed death-care providers?

If you aren’t from Gunlandia, you probably should not visit gunmemes.com. It takes a special red-state redness to enjoy.

7. You know you live in a warped culture when you feel the need to clarify something like this: “For the record, I’m 100% opposed to all forms of murder and suicide.”

Ooh, oooh, want me to exasperate everybody in one single catechism quote? How about this one? Enough to make everyone you know get all squirmy-wormy:

2269 The fifth commandment forbids doing anything with the intention of indirectly bringing about a person’s death. The moral law prohibits exposing someone to mortal danger without grave reason, as well as refusing assistance to a person in danger.

The acceptance by human society of murderous famines, without efforts to remedy them, is a scandalous injustice and a grave offense. Those whose usurious and avaricious dealings lead to the hunger and death of their brethren in the human family indirectly commit homicide, which is imputable to them.⁷⁰

Unintentional killing is not morally imputable. But one is not exonerated from grave offense if, without proportionate reasons, he has acted in a way that brings about someone’s death, even without the intention to do so.

Happy February.

4 Takes, 2.5 Time-Outs . . .

Most weeks, I really like the Tuesday / Friday method of staying on track. It helps me remember to post stuff. This is not that week. I say that during the Wed-Thurs interregnum, Jen F. and Larry D. can split the difference. In castle news this week:

1. Child Vomits At Church.

Thank you Mrs. S. for cleaning the front pew while one parent whisked sick child home and the other disinfected the sacristy bathroom. Thank you, Lord, that:

The other two altar servers had already left the pew to go do whatever it is they do during the offering.
Mrs. S, veteran mom, had chosen to sit next to Mt. Splashmore.
Mr. O., who himself had blessed the altar-area in the same manner during his days as an altar boy, was sitting behind us and volunteered to watch two little girls while parents did more pressing parent jobs.
No one else has gotten sick.

Nice usher guy was helpful, too. He showed us the plastic toolbox in the usher’s closet labeled “Vomit Kit” — apparently this is all part of the life of an usher. Though by that time I’d already snagged disinfectant and paper towels from the kitchen, and begged extra trash bags from the nursery. Mothers don’t think the way ushers think.

2. Sandra’s Married!

And she told me I should wedding-blog. Which I will. A different day. Teaser:

Lovely, lovely ceremony.
Historic location + period dress = coolest combo ever.
Halloween-themed reception . . . oh I know you crabby apples are raising an eyebrow at that, ’cause I did too. But it was just perfect for the couple, and not at all like you think.

More later.

3. Exciting writing news, almost ready to be announced. If I seem like I’ve wandered off the edge of the earth, um, yes, I have.

3.5. McKissick Museum. For all your glow-in-the-dark geology needs.

4. Check out the Catholic Writers’ Guild blog this coming Sunday, Christian LeBlanc has a cool post scheduled. And Julie Davis writes on Saturday, I think, and she’s no slouch either. It’s a good CWG weekend.

5. Latin. I think we’ve found a solution. I’ll let you know in two months.

6. And with that, I’m going to sneak back into hiding, and leave the internet to you. If I’m lucky I might get a backlog of assorted posts run, but I’m not placing any bets. Have a great weekend.

Invalid Salad – Real Sacraments, Fake Sacraments, Illegal Sacraments

My latest at AmazingCatechists.com: “Invalid or Illicit? Keeping Straight the Sacraments,” in which I have more fun than I ought, talking about my favorite, rhyming way to keep track of whether a sacrament is illicit, invalid, neither, or both.

What I owe the world is a post about the fabulous Ela Milewsak and the National Initiative for Adolescent Catechesis. That’s coming, soonish, along with an overdue book review (two here, one there), the end of the Kolbe series, all kinds of stuff. But this other fun topic came up in conversation this morning, and I couldn’t help myself. Invalid salad. I just love to say it out loud.

7 Quick Takes: PSA’s

Many thanks to our hostess Hallie Lord, who is not taking attendance while Jen Fulwiler is on writing-leave, so hopefully I won’t be demoted for participating late.

Funnix is running the free-download program again. I don’t see the deadline, but I’m going to guess it is only during February. (They did this last year. Thank you kind phonics people. Also thank you to my internet acquaintance Cynthia for pointing me and other moms to the link.) I have no particularly opinion on the program other than that some people like it and, look! free!

I’ve entered this new special time in my life as an internet person, when I receive not just spam, but Catholic Spam. It’s sorta weird. But here’s the unsettling part: Sometimes I really cannot tell if I’ve gotten a Catholic-Spam Troll Form Letter, or if there’s a human who knows me (if only via a blog) and is trying to communicate useful information, but has accidentally written an e-mail that has the look-n-feel of Spamalot.

So anyway, the PSA is this: If you are a real live person who wanted to share a link or tell me about your great works, and the first time you e-mailed me it got lost in cyberspace and you never ever heard anything . . . just e-mail me again? Okay? With some extra words this time that maybe tell me how you know me (this blog, or the CWG, or you’re a friend of my friend’s cousin’s uncle-in-law, or whatever) and anything else that would help establish yourself as a sentient creature who knows my name.

Thanks!

What kind of dog is this?

A stray dog. Possibly a lucky dog. Well, lucky whether he ends up here or moves to the local no-kill, where I’m sure he’ll find a home because he is both cute and nice. If energetic. My facebook friends are voting Jack Russell, with maybe some Fox Terrier or Bull Terrier. Any other votes?

A few months ago I subscribed to the Jimmy Akin Secret Info Club. Yes, yes, of course it exists to help the man sell books. He writes good books. And no, the information is not truly secret . . . in the sense that comes from sources that people treat as classified documents but actually you are allowed to read them, such as the Bible, or the Catechism, or the writings of the Church fathers.

But hey, it’s a handy little newsletter. About once a month I get a short e-mail that is a refresher on some topic related to the faith — for example this month’s was on private vs. public revelation. Nothing earth-shattering, but sort of a continuing-ed workshop delivered straight your inbox. Worth checking out.

It’s that time again. Allie Hathaway. Pray.

If you like to write, go register for the Catholic Writers Conference Online. No, really. Even if you aren’t Catholic*. It is free, open to the public, and you can participate as much or as little as you like. Which means if you discover you hate it or you’d rather be learning something else that week, nothing lost. Because remember, free?

Registration closes . . . I’m not sure when. I thought March 1, but I don’t see the date, so I can’t be 100% sure. But look if you obey your local blogger and just sign up right now, it won’t matter when registration closes.

So what’s the catch?

You would be, in your own small way, cooperating with the mission of the Catholic Writers Guild. Which is to fill the world with more better writers.

*It is like attending any Catholic school, you have to be polite and not say mean things in class. But whereas the specific mission of the CWG is to promote Catholic writing and publishing, the online conference includes topics of interest to any writer. If you read here, you totally have what it takes to attend the online conference and enjoy it.

7 Quick Takes: 40 Days

7 Quick Takes Post-It Notes — At least it isn't Saturday. I could have done worse.

The bookshelves are in! People say my library method makes sense! Or at least haven’t complained! The countertops still need to be finished. Photo coming sometime after that.

If you have an e-mail sitting in my inbox, yes I will reply soon. I’ve been sidetracked by regular life.

Cleaning my house. Yes, really. That’s what I’ve been doing all week.

Because Lent is only 40 days away. And this year for Lent, our family is going to Clean Up After Ourselves.

It’s not that we’re slobs. It’s that I can write a sentence beginning with, “It’s not that we’re slobs,” and no one senses any kind of irony or sarcasm there. They await some other explanation, thinking skeptically, “This better be good.”

But let’s just clarify right now: I could never ever qualify for one of those slovenliness reality shows. We do like order and cleanliness. We do. Almost obsessively, in some pursuits. But housekeeping? There’s always another project that’s just a little bit more pressing.

You know all those movies where they tell you to slow down and enjoy life? Or spend more time with your family? Or focus on __________ that really counts? We should be banned from those movies. We need the movie where the family-centered protagonists have an amazing revelation about their misplaced priorities, and learn it might be okay to put dishes straight into the dishwasher after dinner.

But you can wait just a second before you put away that glass, and say a quick prayer for Allie Hathaway.

So we’re having a Carnival of Cleanliness, in an effort to make Lent less penitential than it otherwise would be. You remember that line in A Mother’s Rule of Life, where she mentions in passing that before you begin, make sure there’s A Place For Everything, and Everything In It’s Place? Yeah, we’ve been working on that sentence for half a decade now. And we’re close. So close.

Well as you can imagine, every time I read something about the health care package about to emerge, my head gets that much closer to exploding. Said by a person who thinks our health care system does need some serious attention. Just mostly not the kind that is coming out of Congress lately.

But I promise the relative quiet here is not me storming off sulkily. I suppose my absence is healthcare-related though — we’ve a perky little GI virus hopping about the family. Not a bad little guy, mild, short-lived, even agrees to appear in the early hours, before interested siblings are up and about and interfering with clean-up and quarantine efforts. No complaints here.

Meanwhile, registration is open for the Catholic Writer’s Conference. Highly recommended: It is free, and there are helpful people who will work with you regardless of your skill-level. You can participate as much or as little as you want, and then purchase the transcript of the proceedings so that you can sit-in on missed classes at your leisure. SuperHusband insists I go, even though I’ve done virtually no writing since I left off on my project from last year’s conference. So I will. A wife doesn’t argue about these things.

Home Again

Back from the achingly beautiful desert . . . enjoying the riotous delight of a place so wet the trees grow like weeds. Excellent trip. During which I, unusually for me when I visit the place, got almost no news and no internet time. And was really quite happy that way.

Attempted to goof off one day and ended up doing my planning for the coming homeschool year. Determined that there really just isn’t that much free time running around my life. So I’m guessing the summer vocation will tranform into a full-time gig.

Encyclical remains just partly read. The part I read was, as expected, entirely fabulous.

Speaking of reading and weighty topics, focus for this school year is going to be on Just War, legitimate self-defence & waging peace. Maybe a little will trickle out onto the blog. Probably very little will trickle out — I’m scrambling to get the house ready for the school year, and hope to hit the ground running August 17th (our legal school year opens the 15th, a Saturday) so we don’t run into the gotta-work-through-the-end-of-June thing that hit us this past year.

All that to say, do recommend your favorite titles on Just War and related topics. And if you know of any such titles aimed specically at school-age *boys*, please oh please oh please speak up.

Have a good August,

Jen.

A new encyclical!

Woohoo! Wildly excited to see that news, as I tried desperately to catch up on my goofing-off today. [Dear Lord Jesus, thank you for giving us a Pope who writes things I am just barely smart enough to read.] Printed it out, will drag to Las Vegas next week with the rest of my overdue reading pile, and maybe write about it one day. Meanwhile, the summer vocation goes very well in massively busy kind of way. Hope you are having a good summer yourself.

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