7 Quick Takes: Doing it Wrong

7 Quick Takes Post-It Notes — Click to see more takes.

My ashes have worn off. Anyone know where I can get them touched up? I made it till Sunday being moderately virtuous in the life of prayer and penitence, and then . . . well, some of us are more “childish” than “childlike” in our faith. But God is merciful, and every day is new. Back to it.

I’m contractually obligated to tell you: You are doing Lent wrong.

At least, I think that must be a line in the Catholic Bloggers Handbook, because that seemed to be the theme this past week. Probably my punishment for too much internet and not enough diligence.

Take away lesson: If you are praying and fasting the wrong way, for the wrong reasons, and entirely too lightly, we the Catholic Bloggers of the World are here to let you know. You see how convenient it is, giving spiritual direction to complete strangers? So much simpler. You can say thank you anytime.

But if you are putting sand in your holy water fonts, that is just plain wrong. It’s not my fault that I have to link to the grumpiest priest on the internet in order for you to find that out. Tip for mothers of tween boys: My son loves Fr. R. What’s not to love, between the guns and the complaining about lousy hymns? The girls got mad at me for reading one of his posts aloud — bad language (for our house). I used the “just quoting a priest” defense.

Anyway, I figure it’s best to go ahead and get the boy hooked on crotchety right-wing gun-enthusiast priests, because then at least our arguments can be fun.

The boy recommends you watch Matrix run on Windows XP. I agree.

Are we the only Catholic home where the wall and floor beneath the mini-holy water font are now very, very blessed? I’m divided between whether that means we are very bad Catholics or just that much more desperate for God’s blessings.

If you want to do one thing right today, quick stop reading and say a prayer for Allie Hathaway.

Look, I’m a grown-up now! I told Lisa Mladinich that she’d have to re-name her site “Pretty Good Catechists”, or “Amazing Catechists Plus Also Jen Sometimes”. She told me the no, she’s expanding the “amazing” brand to reach out the “It’s amazing anyone let you be a catechist” segment, and I was the perfect choice to lead that charge.*

Anyway, I posted one column at AC introducing myself, so if you aren’t sure who I am, quick go look. I’ll stick up a regular catechist-y column sometime soon, and you can be sure I’ll let you know about that. Double bonus if you go: You can see my picture instead of just a pile of rocks. My writer friends are all patting me on the back. Because now if you ever meet me somewhere, and I’m trying to stick my head through a very small window, sideways, you’ll be able to identify me right away.

There’s a rumor that my first column at CatholicMom.com is going to appear tomorrow (Saturday) morning. I’m interested to see what I have to say. Something about homeschooling.**

Blair of Blair’s Blessings pointed me (and many others) to the free audio stories for kids at EWTN’s site. Do you see how happy and sweet her kids are? She does things right.

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*That is a COMPLETE FABRICATION. Lisa Mladinich is a friendly, cheerful person unlike your hostess here, and she would never ever say something like that. I had to make it up.

**Lisa Hendey has you send in your first two columns before you start. I don’t know which one she’ll put up first. I love the suspense — now I have to get on the internet right away at 9:00am Saturday to find out.

Kolbe Academy – Midyear Reviews

I was thinking of writing a series Kolbe reviews this spring, but kept getting distracted. Then Mrs. Darwin e-mailed me with a couple questions, and I took that as my sign. Back at week five I wrote this summary, and I don’t think much has changed. What I will do this round, though, is to write about the program in general this week, and then do a subject-by-subject set of more detailed reviews in subsequent weeks. Enjoy. And keep me on task, eh?

1. Why we decided to go with a formal program.

Two reasons. #1 is that I wanted to outsource the writing of course plans, because I could. So, the availability of ready-made, day-by-day course plans became a deciding factor in which program to choose.

#2 is that the boy was starting 6th grade, and needed to get his rear kicked. I’m all about relaxed education in the early years. But when you hit 9th grade, son, you need to be ready to work. And that means middle school is for suffering.

Note that I’m only using Kolbe for the 4th and 6th grader. Littles continue to use mom-directed relaxed learning. So all my comments relate to using the program for people who can read competently on their own.

2. How we picked Kolbe Academy.

I knew I needed the course plans. My other deciding factors were:

Very strong preference for a Catholic program.
We were planning to use a formal curriculum provider with transcript services through high school; I wanted to try out my likely pick ahead of time.

I gave a serious look at Mother of Divine Grace and St. Thomas Aquinas Academy. For all three, I reviewed the high school syllabus, since that was one of our end goals. Though the programs are similar, Kolbe repeatedly came in as the one that was the closest match to what Jon & I had envisioned for high school for our children.

I also looked through the overall philosophy, the earlier-grades curricula, and the services offered. I spoke to a couple of longtime internet friends who had used the program for ages and graduated students, and also dug around the Kolbe forums and asked a few question about some substitutions I wanted to make. In all it seemed like the best fit for us for a variety of reasons.

3. What Kolbe offers and how it all works.

Kolbe writes a day-by-day curriculum for all subjects all grades. (I think high school might be weekly plans instead of daily?) You can choose to use the program in a variety of ways:

Just take a look at what they do, acquire your books somewhere, and use those books.

Purchase course plans for the subjects you want to take. I think they run about $30 per-subject-per-grade-per-year (double check, prices change). This is the best choice if you just want to get a set of plans for one or two subjects. Note that in some classes the plans are very detailed and instructional; in others, they just break up the book into so many pages a day. As I do my subject-by-subject notes, I’ll tell you which are which.

Enroll with them, which means you get the whole bundle of plans for your grade for one lump sum price, plus some other optional support services. You can request plans for up or down one grade no questions asked. For example, both my 4th and 6th grader are doing the 5th grade history class, because I wanted them on the same subject. (My kids are otherwise working on grade-level.) If you “enroll”, you get to choose whether you submit grades, etc etc. You can choose not to use the reporting and transcript services if you don’t want or need them.

–> If there are several curriculum providers that you think would work just as well, add up your costs for your family. Each has its own pricing scheme, and your needs will determine which is the best deal. Also add up the book costs, because that, too, can vary considerably.

4. The Experience.

When you fill out the form and enroll, a little while later a giant box comes to your door. It contains all your course plans, plus an assortment of forms (for if you wish to submit grades), and a booklet with instructions, philosophical notes, how to write a book report, etc etc. Big fat HSLDA discount code on the front. The course plans are loose leaf printouts with holes punched for three-ring binders. They include some information about the course, the day-by-day plans, and then a quarterly exams and answer keys for most subjects. Each nine-week quarter is seven weeks of lessons, then one week set aside for review, and one week for exams. For most subjects the plans are for a 4-day week, with Friday set aside for review, special projects, catch-up, field trips, etc.

Don’t order plans from the bookstore if you are planning to “enroll”. Even if you need something weird like 10th grade geometry plans for your 2nd grade math prodigy, call or e-mail and see about getting the substitution with your enrollment. [Okay, they are going to question that one.] Basically the approach seems to be that if you’re an enrolled parent with bona fide course plan needs, they take care of you; the various limitations and restrictions are to prevent abuses, not to make your life painful and expensive. But, be organized and don’t have them send you this giant box of all things 4th grade, only to call back a week later and expect all things 5th grade for free because you didn’t know your kid was so smart. Call or e-mail and sort it out efficiently ahead of time.

–> You can request a placement exam when you enroll. You don’t have to take it, let alone send it to anybody. It’s just a set of exams that helps you ballpark your child. Or in my case, quick make sure the kids are introduced to topics they’ll need to know in the coming year.

You acquire your books however you like. They sell them at their bookstore, and some of the in-house publications can of course only be had through their store. But most of the books could also be acquired second hand via cathswap or had from the many other vendors out there. To my knowledge, Kolbe does not include out-of-print books in their curricula. [A complaint I have heard of other programs, but have not verified. Do your own research.] They do use some older-edition books still (or again) being printed; they stock what you need in their shop at reasonable new-book prices.

5. Hand-holding.

A few weeks into our school year, a nice lady called me. She said she was my Kolbe something-or-other, complimented me on my practice of screening phone calls with the machine to avoid interruptions, and asked how things were going. I said, “Going great.” She said, “Wonderful,” and quickly hung up before I could rope her into a longer conversation. We’ve avoided each other ever since. I’m not even sure who she is.

–> If you wanted or needed assistance, they offer it. In addition to your friendly-but-evasive caseworker (I bet she is NOT really avoiding me, okay, seriously, she sounded like a potentially helpful person), you can register at the forums and post questions and get help there. A friend of mine has used the Enhanced Evaluation Service for one of her high school students and says that for that student, it was a good investment. (EES is an additional service at an additional charge above regular bare-bones enrollment.) They also offer some online discussion groups for high school courses, I do not know all the details on that.

[FYI: MODG has a good reputation for online / conference call courses if you are looking for someone else to teach your child a distance education class.]

Additionally, even through high school, you can take whatever class you want. So if you want to take Algebra with a local tutor and all your other courses through Kolbe and six other programs, you can still report through Kolbe and earn a diploma through them as long as you meet the graduation requirements.

If you need standardized testing, Kolbe does offer that, for anybody. I just got a letter in the mail. $45-50 per test for enrolled families, $55-60 for everyone else and their pet monkey.

6. Big Brother. Just not there. Just not. If you want Kolbe to keep track of your grades, you need to send in a quarterly report card (when you get around to it, no particular deadline) with one work sample for each subject. You grade the work, they keep your grades in a file in case someone calls and asks about them. –> I haven’t mailed in any grades yet, though, so I’ll need to follow up with a report on that a different day.

When you submit your first grades of the year, you also send in your course plan — that is, a list of what you’ve actually decided to teach. There is no expectation that you will follow the Kolbe-provided course plans to the letter. Every single plan says, “adapt these to your needs”. Often there are suggestions on how to lighten the load if your student is overwhelmed. There are sometimes suggestions on how to grade, but you make the final decision. You can also just chuck the Kolbe-suggested book and do something else, or skip the subject entirely depending on which subject. If you call or post on the forums, they will suggest alternatives if you don’t like the default book.

7. My kids and the course plans. I put all the plans in binders sorted by subject, and store them in my office. [Next year I am going to make my binders match the subject-sequence of the kids’ binders, so it is faster to move plans in and out.] Then I made each big kid a 3-ring binder Plan Book. I load just the plans for the present quarter, with a tab divider for each subject. I made up a calendar for our school year so they can see where we are in the plans. (Ie, today is Q3, Week 1, Day 3.) Within a couple weeks of the start of the year, both kids could reliably read the plans, figure out their assignments, and get it all done.

8. Reality. Whether they do the work depends on:

Their mood.
Whether someone checks to make sure they get it done.

My rule is that I’m available from 8am until noon for questions and help, Monday – Friday. Outside of those hours, they are still chained to the desk until the work is done, but parental assistance is at the discretion and convenience of the parent. I loaded their subjects into their binders so that if they work from front to back, they get the hardest and most-likely-to-need-assistance work done first thing.

They use a composition book for 98% of their written work, and a graph-paper spiral notebook for math problems that need extra space. Having all work in one place makes it easier for me to find assignments and check them off. They don’t get credit if the assignment isn’t labeled so I can easily see what I’m looking at as I flip through the book. (I need subject, date, page numbers, etc.)

9. How much mom-time and mom-help?

I’d estimate that 80-90% or more of their work my kids can do independently. [Both kids are smart, one is way above grade-level for reading, the other is normal normal.] I think that a diligent parent who wanted to maximize learning would set aside an hour per school day for a typical (not special needs) student who can read independently, work at grade level, and stay on task with the normal amount of oversight. [Just normal good work environment, with a parent present but not hovering, TV turned off, etc.] That’s cumulative time spent through the day checking work, answering questions, and studying together when needed.

You can scale back the amount of parental assistance, but you get relatively more self-teaching and less education, and that is a decision you’d need to make based on the realities of your student, your family, and the other demands on your time.

–> My philosophy is that their are certain essentials where you can’t cut corners, and then there are some extras that can be done with more or less intensity at any given time. If I’m pinched, essentials still require my attention, but it isn’t the end of the world if my daughter doesn’t really grasp the difference between dipthongs and digraphs with quite the nuance the textbook writer had hoped. [Translation: My bigs don’t get the full hour of mom-attention every single day. Note that in regular school, students don’t get an hour of one-on-one teacher time every day either.]

10. What other general questions do you have?

Post in the combox, and I can reply there or make a new post if there is a ton to say. You are also welcome e-mail me (let me know who you are), and if you do, let me know whether the text of your question is bloggable.

I’ll do a subject-by-subject starting next week. Any votes on what subject first?

HSLDA Supports Religious Freedom

From HSLDA’s website:

Urgent calls are needed to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (NV) and your two U.S. senators to urge them to support Amendment No. 1520 by Senator Roy Blunt (MO). This amendment would halt the Obama Administration’s new mandate requiring all employers—including religious employers—to violate their consciences and provide free birth control and abortion-inducing drugs to their employees. . . .

. . . HSLDA and a host of organizations across the religious and political spectrum continue to strongly oppose the Obama Administration’s mandate. If the president can force religious employers to violate their religious views and own conscience, the president can threaten any of our liberties.

While this is not a homeschool issue, many families homeschool because of their faith. This attack against religious freedom, if not stopped, could mean the beginning of the end for the free exercise of religion for all.

I knew I liked HSLDA ages ago. Good bunch of people doing a good work.

3.5 Time Outs: Feminine Genius

Thanks once again to our host Larry D. at Acts of the Apostasy, without whom Tuesdays would be so . . . different.

3.5 Time Outs Tuesday — Not everyone's a girl-blogger. Click the photo to find out what the guys are saying.

I don’t see an official announcement yet, so I won’t spill the beans on the details, but I’ve been instructed to spend the next month or two pondering the word women. I can’t decide if I was the intentional choice for that one, or just lucky. There are so many seriously-girlesque-with-hearts-on-top ladies out there in the Catholic blogosphere, and here I am, feeling pretty fashionable when I’ve got on a new black t-shirt and jeans instead of an old black t-shirt and jeans. Then again, I am not the only Catholic homeschooling mom at my parish who played rugby in college.

But anyway, it’s got me thinking about that word. Okay I’m familiar with the biological details, but what, exactly, is it that makes girls different enough to get their own apostolic letter?

Ladies, will somebody please tell Larry the secret code for getting all those cute little post-it-notes above his frog? Dorian? Hallie? Fulwilinator? Anyone? Anyone? Please? He’ll never even own half of Tuesday, if that frog keeps hiding away his linkfest inside the frog cave. Maybe someone should check with Mrs. D. to confirm he’s in good standing and can be admitted to auxiliary membership.

UPDATE: Larry says you get what you pay for. Not his fault he’d rather spend his cash on the worthy Mrs. D. Masculine genius, right there. I’m with it.

Internet Valentines:

At CWG, Karina Fabian applies the bacon analogy to the new non-compromise. If you like her post, she asks you to please share it around.

Also hidden in the CWG Monday line-up (yes, I am personally responsible for the post pile-on, go ahead, flog me), Ellen Gable Hrkach tells you the cold hard truth about the work required to succeed at self-publishing. Now you know what it is traditional publishers have been doing all these years.

And super-bonus: Today we have an actual Valentine-themed post. Ordinarily Kathryn writes on third Tuesdays, but I bumped her up a week when I saw what she had planned.

I think the similarity of color-schemes between the CWG blog and the Vatican website is coincidental. Only Ann Lewis knows for sure. Has anyone noticed whether she’s got the Vatican-spy secret decoder ring?

If you know someone who takes that last question seriously, you need a dose of masculine genius:

Perfect valentine for your budding junior apologist. Nothing like a good argument with a lunatic to really make an adolescent boy enjoy religion.

Free girl-book, today only: My friend’s mom Christine Bush has her kindle romance Cowboy Boots on sale today for Valentine’s Day. Free download. I haven’t read it yet, but thought it was worth a look at that price.

From my inbox: The Catholic Company is offering 14% off all orders today only, use coupon code LOVE14 during checkout. Timely if you owe your godchildren across-country some good Lenten reading. I imagine there are other discounts to be had today, feel free to share your info in the combox.

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Sursum Corda? I saw it on a Confederate battle flag. SC’s 7th Batallion. The full motto is Sursum Corda – Quid Non Pro Patria? on a field of blue with a cross made of stars in the center. It was made by the Ursuline nuns in Columbia. Very cool detail: metal sequins on the stars.

If you go [no visit to the Inferno is complete without a quick stroll right past the inner door to the State Museum and on to the end of the hall where the good exhibits hide], call ahead and arrange a tour with the curator for education, Joe Long. He isn’t Catholic, but ask him to tell you his St. Anthony story. It’s a classic.

Dehydrated Water - SC Confederate Relic Room — The only kind of water that ever, ever, touches the single malt my Valentine sent me.

7 Quick Takes: People, Places, Things

Until yesterday, I had no idea — zero — about the history of shipping orphaned British children to the colonies to work as indentured servants. I did know about the American orphan trains, thanks to the picture book on the subject.

You can read about the British Home Children at Rose McCormick-Brandon’s site, The Promise of Home.

This week we met the governor’s dog, Simba. I can’t find an image for you, but if you book a (free) tour of the SC Governor’s Mansion, the odds are in your favor. (We also caught sight of the first gentleman, but he saw the tour group through the window and slipped around to a back entrance.)

This is my new favorite historic building tour for kids, because it is a real live occupied home. Which means nothing is roped off, and you are allowed to touch things. Mostly the kids did not touch things, because they have sense and know better than to put their fingers on somebody’s dishes or plop down on the living room couch. The downstairs area that you tour looks exactly like your grandmother’s formal living room that even your mom isn’t allowed to go into without permission. So you put on living room manners.

But the tour guide did have us all pull out dining room chairs to inspect the deer-hoof carving on the feet of the chairs. If you poured out a bottle of SC Concentrate, that building is what you’d get.

After a jumbled first-round of Sacrament of Confession last week, I re-booted and had a much better second half. Helped that we had laid the groundwork the week before; also that I revised the study guide so that the students didn’t have to copy so much off the board.

My trusty teenage assistant was out sick last week. Lucky for him, we didn’t do 10,000 Gun Questions until this week. He agreed, it is a very fun class.

I’m still only halfway through writing report cards for Q2. Quarter break is almost over. Need to crank the rest out and mail off a couple quarters worth of grades and work samples to Kolbe. Not something that Kolbe requires (unless you want a transcript from them), nor that is a legal requirement for us. But I am finding that it helps me teach better, if I have that extra grown-up looking over my shoulder.

My daughter (the Bun – #3 child) loves beanie-snaps. She’s having some for breakfast-dessert. These:

#4 would eat sour cream exclusively if we let her.

Pray for Allie Hathaway. Also for the repose of the soul of Fr. Robert Fix.

3.5 Time Outs: Sursum Corda

Thanks once again to our host Larry D. at Acts of the Apostasy, who, I am sorry to learn, does not like leftovers for breakfast. Read the whole tragic childhood tale by clicking the photo:

You’ll never guess where I saw the words Sursum Corda last Friday, when I was busy not getting my seven takes up on time for that other person.

***

Also I learned later in the day: Though “Sursum Corda” sure sounds like the name of a papal encyclical, it isn’t.

Which means: I gave somebody a little bit of wrong information. Nuts. But I also gave a lot of correct information. For example, you would have found it in this book – p. xxvii. And others like it.

But you know, if you google the words Sursum Corda + Pope Benedict, you get a lot of hits. Is it my fault I spend too much time on the Internet reading this stuff until it becomes one giant jumble of confused trivia? Wait, don’t answer that.

You may have noticed that adolescent boys don’t necessarily google these same topics. Which is why I have begun a massive print propaganda campaign, in which I subscribe to the publications I think my child should read, then leave them on the bathroom counter for him to discover when he’s hiding from his math homework.

Might I add that Catholic Answers, Envoy, OSV and The Register run some seriously good articles? It is as if all the stuff you read for free online is not the very best of contemporary Catholic writing, and that there is value to be had in paying writers for their work. I never guessed.

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So your hints for the solution to #1 are:

A.) The Inferno.

B.) In which city you can still see this guy’s house:

C. ) And this hat. Which causes me to pun horribly every time I see it:

7 Quick Takes: PSA’s

Many thanks to our hostess Hallie Lord, who is not taking attendance while Jen Fulwiler is on writing-leave, so hopefully I won’t be demoted for participating late.

Funnix is running the free-download program again. I don’t see the deadline, but I’m going to guess it is only during February. (They did this last year. Thank you kind phonics people. Also thank you to my internet acquaintance Cynthia for pointing me and other moms to the link.) I have no particularly opinion on the program other than that some people like it and, look! free!

I’ve entered this new special time in my life as an internet person, when I receive not just spam, but Catholic Spam. It’s sorta weird. But here’s the unsettling part: Sometimes I really cannot tell if I’ve gotten a Catholic-Spam Troll Form Letter, or if there’s a human who knows me (if only via a blog) and is trying to communicate useful information, but has accidentally written an e-mail that has the look-n-feel of Spamalot.

So anyway, the PSA is this: If you are a real live person who wanted to share a link or tell me about your great works, and the first time you e-mailed me it got lost in cyberspace and you never ever heard anything . . . just e-mail me again? Okay? With some extra words this time that maybe tell me how you know me (this blog, or the CWG, or you’re a friend of my friend’s cousin’s uncle-in-law, or whatever) and anything else that would help establish yourself as a sentient creature who knows my name.

Thanks!

What kind of dog is this?

A stray dog. Possibly a lucky dog. Well, lucky whether he ends up here or moves to the local no-kill, where I’m sure he’ll find a home because he is both cute and nice. If energetic. My facebook friends are voting Jack Russell, with maybe some Fox Terrier or Bull Terrier. Any other votes?

A few months ago I subscribed to the Jimmy Akin Secret Info Club. Yes, yes, of course it exists to help the man sell books. He writes good books. And no, the information is not truly secret . . . in the sense that comes from sources that people treat as classified documents but actually you are allowed to read them, such as the Bible, or the Catechism, or the writings of the Church fathers.

But hey, it’s a handy little newsletter. About once a month I get a short e-mail that is a refresher on some topic related to the faith — for example this month’s was on private vs. public revelation. Nothing earth-shattering, but sort of a continuing-ed workshop delivered straight your inbox. Worth checking out.

It’s that time again. Allie Hathaway. Pray.

If you like to write, go register for the Catholic Writers Conference Online. No, really. Even if you aren’t Catholic*. It is free, open to the public, and you can participate as much or as little as you like. Which means if you discover you hate it or you’d rather be learning something else that week, nothing lost. Because remember, free?

Registration closes . . . I’m not sure when. I thought March 1, but I don’t see the date, so I can’t be 100% sure. But look if you obey your local blogger and just sign up right now, it won’t matter when registration closes.

So what’s the catch?

You would be, in your own small way, cooperating with the mission of the Catholic Writers Guild. Which is to fill the world with more better writers.

*It is like attending any Catholic school, you have to be polite and not say mean things in class. But whereas the specific mission of the CWG is to promote Catholic writing and publishing, the online conference includes topics of interest to any writer. If you read here, you totally have what it takes to attend the online conference and enjoy it.

3.5 Time Outs: Paying Attention

Thanks once again to our host Larry D. at Acts of the Apostasy, who is proof dark lords must have many skills.

There’s a short list of things I can only do with 100% concentration:

Clean my desk.
Order a new toner cartridge.
Read Pope Benedict.

I’m sure there are others, but those are the one’s I’ve noticed.

Which is why it is taking me 10,000 years to get my review done for this book:

So I’ll just tell you it’s a good book. At least, the first half is.

–> But last week, St. Alphonsus Liguori was our saint for the chapter for religious ed, and of course I knew he was going to rock, but I secretly thought he might be a boring saint, but look, he’s a Doctor of the Church, and hey I have this partly-read book and maybe he’s in it. Sure enough, yes, Liguori rocks. Seriously cool saint. Definite patron-to-catechists action going on.

Funny story though: I always research our saints because usually kids prefer a good re-telling with lots of dramatic (but censored) details, and I didn’t want to show up at class and just read from the textbook. But I told the kids to flip to the page in their book with the big picture so they’d have something to look at . . . and they just wanted to read aloud. So I let them.

Today I discovered one thing I can do with a steady flow of distraction and interruption: Work on the homeschooling book. Indeed, sitting on the couch staring at the backs of two children who have to be watched constantly in order to get their homework done? It practically inspires.

I think I can knock out a 1,000 words a day just between 11am and noon, after littles have been sent to recess, and I’m sitting there playing overseer to the big people.

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The other thing I do to keep from going barking mad while kids are doing school homework and can’t really be left alone but also don’t need help the whole time? Mindless cleaning jobs.

Which is how I finally got around to asking what I’d started to ask last time I attempted to clean the porch: “Why do we have a bread bag full of dirt stuffed in a pillowcase?”

3.5 Time Outs: Catholic Insomnia

Thanks once again to our host Larry D. at Acts of the Apostasy, who reminds you, Men Can Blog Too.

Dark pleasures of homeschooling parents: Listening from the other room as your spouse valiantly tries to help a child with his homework . . . and noting that your spouse, too, is on the verge of breaking into swear words.

Who took the dry-erase marker off my refrigerator? I need it because . . .

Middle of the dark I wake up with busy-brain. I hear the neighbor’s truck outside. Must be getting near dawn. Which means: Stay still. Do not go to living room and read The Doctors of the Church for a bit to settle down. DO NOT GET A DRINK OF WATER.

Because: I need an undisturbed waking temp. Need.

Need.

***

I lay there a while. I wonder if the truck I heard was not my neighbor but the people who go around breaking into cars. I wonder if those people ever did read the Teacher’s Manual they stole last time. I wonder if the SuperHusband set his car alarm so that we’ll know when the car-breakers are opening his minivan whose side doors only open when the vehicle is locked and the alarms are set. I wonder what the car-breakers will think of the giant load of junk filling the back of my truck. Do they want old children’s games with missing pieces?

No, it is not the car-breakers, because the neighbor starts his truck up again and begins moving it around the yard. He does this. He loves backing up. Precisely. He has to back up many times.

And then he drives off, and it is silent. And still very dark. I worry: Is it actually close to waking-up time? Or is it the middle of the night and my neighbor is doing his late-night things that he sometimes does? Nuts if I’ve been laying here all quiet and still with no drink of water and no prospect of sleep, and it’s actually 1 am and not 6 am. I wonder why I have no clock on my side of the bed. About three times a year, I want one.

***

I give up. Grab thermometer, head to living room. Yay: 6:45. Double-Yay: 99.0.

One of these years my kids will understand why they sometimes find summer-weather temperatures written on the door of the fridge in the middle of January.

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Roman Holiday. Of course.

7 Quick Takes: Advent was good.

Lately I’ve encountered a lot of talk about Holiday Burnout. People who are just sick and tired of Christmas. People really struggling to feel the Advent-Love. People who know they’ll go to bed on the 25th exhausted, disappointed, and thinking, “Is that all? It ends like this?”

You know what? I’ve had a wonderful Advent! Peaceful. Joyful. Can’t-wait-for-Christmas. Genuinely looking forward to 12 Days of All Things Good. Here’s what it looked like:

We had The Plague. Not a really bad plague. Not the kind that depopulates cities or disfigures previously-beautiful people. Just a day or two of “Hey, death seems like a nice idea!” and then several weeks of non-contagious laying around, sleeping all day, and sticking to activities that require no lung usage. So visions of bustling around doing holiday things? Out the window. Gone. No-Can-Do. Didn’t happen.

Dumb luck. For reasons that have nothing to do with my own clever planning, 80% of our regular weekly activities finished for the year by the first week of December. 80% less driving around. 80% less herding cranky children. 80% less repenting of uncharitable thoughts towards ~~stupid careless clueless~~ other drivers.

And then back in early November I had recklessly committed a labor-intensive Advent catechist-project; we had to cancel it when we realized it would conflict with The Immaculate Conception. Good thing, since I was barely standing up straight for my last RE class December 7th.

(Shocker: The kids were NUTS that night. Pure crazy-power that class. They can smell weakness.)

I chose not to over-commit. We went to a few of our very favorite (or very necessary) holiday events. But the rest, even though they promised to be good and wonderful, we chose to skip. I don’t like long, loud, chaotic festivities. I know other people love that stuff. Cookies! St. Nick! Bags of Trinkets! I do not love it. We skipped it. Everyone is happy.

We’ve hit our Christmas / Advent decorating sweet spot. It took us a few years to figure out what this looks like for us. When does the tree go up? When do we decorate it? What about lights and colors and all that stuff? I know it is the pasttime of a special kind of Catholic to agonize about these things. I agree it is silly to lay down some Universal Law Of When The Tree May Be Lit.

But I think it is important to self-examine just a little. To try things out and see how they feel. Our culture flat out stinks at observing Advent. If we want to do it, we’re on our own for figuring out how it’s done. It is a happy year when we the members of the family can agree that we’ve found an approach that works for us, and hits the right balance between preparation, penitence, and joyful expectation.

Double-bonus for your resident Complainer: I totally 100% approved of the way my parish handled Advent decorations this year. Not that it’s any of my business to have an opinion on these things. But it was nice all the same.

I live in a cave. I don’t watch TV. I don’t shop. And every year from Thanksgiving to New Year’s I turn off the radio, because I’d rather have silence than cheesy holiday songs. These are not due to my amazing virtue and spirit of penance. I have very little virtue, and a purely intellectual spirit of penance. These are self-indulgences. They are me doing what I prefer to do. But they conveniently shield me from the onslaught of Giftmas Propaganda and bad (Christian) or blasphemous (secular) music.

So I totally get it, if you who bravely suffer these things have lost your Advent Love after enough weeks of torment. I would too. I am grateful for my sheltered life.

Don’t forget to pray for Allie Hathaway.

Jen Fulwiler at the Register ponders, “Why no Catholics among the top 100 Mom Bloggers?” My answer is this: We don’t do that. If our homes are all in order, with lovely decorations, Craft A Day, and beautiful meals on the table every night . . . that’s our cue to have another baby.

We don’t live showcase lives that we can peddle on the internet to those longing for Housewife Wonderland. We focus on our highest priorities, and we let the rest be someone else’s calling. Our lives will never be magazine pretty. My house is not that clean, the only reason I have baked goods lined up is that I trust the nine-year-old with brownie mix and I wasn’t being strict enough about math homework, and we didn’t even get to sing this year, because, well, plague.

We lives our lives poured out. Full and running over. Everything that is not essential to our calling, we set aside. And in the process we do not end up beautiful, famous, or rich. But we do get joy and peace.

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